I think one of best and worst things about being a submissive is the state of intense vulnerability that goes along with the territory.
At its beginnings, this is terrifying. You allow someone else to see the absolute truth of who you are. They delve into your psyche and discover your hopes, your dreams, you fears, and what makes you tick. I think what frightens people the most about this is the power it yields. If someone know these things, they can control, manipulate, and utterly dominate you.
This is why trust is so important. This is why love is so important. This is not something to be taken lightly, the potential for damage is too great.
What some people cannot see is that with trust, vulnerability is absolutely beautiful.
How amazing is it that we can show the depth of our souls to someone else and have them accept us for who we truly are?
To understand that all you have to do is think about how many times you’ve found yourself putting on a false face for the world, did things you didn’t agree with, said things that you didn’t want to, or hidden parts of yourself you didn’t want others to see. For many, the majority of their lives are spent this way. The true self is buried deep within while going through the motions that are necessary to survive the world.
It feels amazing.
On the other hand, being too vulnerable leaves us defenseless. There are times and places where vulnerability is appropriate but it is not for general purpose use. Having experienced the depths and strength of connection, I find myself craving to be able to be my true self. It hurts when this isn’t possible… the kind of hurt that lingers… the kind that breeds doubt… the kind that makes us afraid.
At times it’s like an addiction: bliss in its presence and agony in its absence.
I trickle out these tidbits of self… and then remind myself why I shouldn’t.