Femdom v. FLR

I have been blogging for quite a long time.  While it hasn’t been as long as some, seven years and 800+ posts later I have seen several waves of bloggers cycle in and out and watched the landscape change a bit.  I took a break for a couple of years and when I returned I found a drastic change had occurred.

Pre-break, the term FLR was not part of the standard kink vernacular.  It was a movement created by those who wished to use an initialism to easily provide a handful of details about their Femdom relationship without having to explain it all.  Mostly, it was a way to separate themselves from casual BDSM-oriented play relationships that were the visible majority at the time.

By stating you were an FLR, it implied a couple of things:

  1. This is a loving relationship.  While the dynamics may be strict, it is not the sub is has value as a person and a lover in a way that separates it from an M/s relationship.  The personal connection between the involved parties is different from people who are willing to play together without being romantically involved.
  2. This is a lifestyle 24-7 relationship and there is no “off switch.”  While many of the dynamics might not be kinky or exciting, the basis of the relationship puts the woman in control of many factors and this extends well beyond the bedroom walls.  Scenes, safe words, and particular types of consent do not apply.

This was how it was before my break.  I agreed with this and it described me and the types of D/s relationships I have had over the years.  It was a descriptive term and one that people didn’t really mind if they were included or excluded, they had their preferences and it either did or did not apply to them.

Fast forward a couple of years and I found a disturbing trend (this was primarily on Blogger, I haven’t sought it out as much in the WordPress realm).  As I got back up to speed and found which blogs were gone and the new crop of author’s that had taken their place it seemed that the term FLR began to signify an attitude.  The list of implied meanings was no longer two items… these days it feels more like ten.

At times it feels a lot like a clique with the in-group trying to make it abundantly clear how different those from the out-group are.  I know that not everyone is this way but there is a visible and vocal minority that stick out with an attitude of arrogance and intolerance that rubs me the wrong way.

It reminds me of many subcultures who had their original structure erode and later morph into something that was no longer a part of the beginning.  Sort of like leaving the early punk rock scene and returning a few years later to find out that there was now an implied dress code and haircut that was almost mandatory to “fit in.”  Gone are the days when it used to feel like a network of people who shared ideas on a similar type of lifestyle and tried to educate others on how things worked.

It feels like there is a conscious effort to steer clear of anything kinky.  Somehow domestic discipline and chastity are on the “safe” list, probably because they can be sold for their functional merits.

I just find it bothersome in a lot of ways.  Is the world ever a better place when we nitpick over what makes us DIFFERENT from one another?  I am the type of person who seeks out our SIMILARITIES and uses those as a basis for connection.  Differences are what educate us on new and different points of view and allow us to empathize and sympathize with people in new ways.  It is how we learn to understand one another.

I hope that people will keep this in mind.  Tolerance and open-mindedness are still good things, right?  Connecting and learning and growing as people… requires contact with people that are both similar and different to ourselves.

I mean hell, at some point in time in history some oppressive governmental regime lined us all up and shot us together.  If we’re similar enough to die together, doesn’t that count for something?

5 thoughts on “Femdom v. FLR

  1. This makes for a third try at a comment. I keep going off on a tangent. 😜
    Acceptance of individuality is important, darn it!

    While I don’t have the same insight you do on FLR and such, I do know that there are always people that think they are better — they’ve got it all figured out and if someone doesn’t fall in line with the way they do things, they’re wrong, period. I think it just shows their ignorance. I can only hope that one day they’ll notice that their pillar is made of shit and they stink.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Ms Dixie.

      Tangents are fine. My recent spin through the blogosphere gave me a mental catalog of all the blogs I have started avoiding because of the hostility in their posts or the hostility they display in their comments to other bloggers.

      I always thought the kink realm was supposed to be free of that kind of thing.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dave. It is interesting that WordPress seems to have the opposite of blogger in this regards. I have basically stopped reading the majority of the Blogger blogs that associate themselves with FLR due to watching the authors make asses of themselves in the blogging community, e.g. going to someone’s blog and calling their relationship fake because it isn’t “his version” of FLR.

      I’m hoping things flow with a bit more of an open mind on t his side of the net.

      Like

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