My #1 Fetish: Symbolism

Fetish probably isn’t the right word to describe this, but through submission I seem to be drawn to symbolism more than anything.  When looking at events or ideas within the “bigger picture” context, my body finds a way to respond with involuntary, unconscious arousal.

Some might say that my penis betrays me.

While there are a large number of activities and ideas that give me direct arousal, there are an equally large number that hold no rational appeal to me whatsoever.  For these latter types, expanding upon them with dialogue, description, or reasoning that provide them with a frame of reference is often enough to find myself erect, confused, and trying to wish it away.

When our eyes meet and she pries into my soul and I feel the dread of what is to happen next, she can simply look down and ask, “you must actually want this, don’t you?”  My denial must seem like empty words to her at this point as my brain screams “no” but I cannot hide the erection.  At this point it is especially easy to get my emotions twisting and turning and find myself lost in the depths of subspace.

To be honest, this terrifies me and it took me a very long time to figure out just what was going on.  At some point my body began responding in a thematic sense.  Control.  Status.  Power.  Principle.  Pleasure.  These themes fall at the root of D/s.  These themes fill my thoughts as my head spirals around in fantasy or subspace.  What I recognize is that nearly any act, when perceived as a symbol of these themes, triggers my arousal.

It has reached a point where they don’t even need to accompany a direct act or even a fantasy.  Just talking about them gets me going.  If I were to say the words to someone, “protocols are rules put in place to display the status inequality between Domme and sub.”  I’m aroused.  The same goes for, “domestic discipline is frequently used as a maintenance measure, reminding the sub of their proper place and attitude, even when no punishment is required.”  Same result.

I have to wonder if this contributes to why it is easy for me in my subspace to adapt to most of what can be thrown at me.  At times this concerns me as I can see it doesn’t lead to a natural stopping point… things can just keep going and going as long as they symbolize the right things.

What is even more frightening is when I will read about an act that makes me want to cringe and bleach my brain.  This will inevitably return me to flaccid… until I read why it was done and the ideas behind it.  At this point I find myself wanting to douse my crotch with cold water and shout at it, along the lines of, “What the hell are you thinking?!”

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