I have been meaning to write a post on subspace for about a week now. This is attempt #9 as the first 8 all found the delete button.
I’ve never been fond of the working definitions people associate with the term subspace, the most common of which being the state of being resulting from adrenaline and endorphins following corporal punishment.
I’ve always felt that subspace, for those who allow themselves to be truly vulnerable, reaches much deeper into the soul than that of a physical response. Some conversations with Watson last year have me believing that subspace does involve a release of certain brain chemicals and this state of being can become addictive, but neither of us wagered a guess on exactly what chemicals they were.
I find it difficult to explain subspace to someone that has never experienced it. In that way, it’s a lot like love. You can describe love all you want to someone who’s never been in it but they can never truly grasp it until they experience it first hand.
While I crave subspace, I would not describe it as a good feeling. It is an entire mental state that shifts our focus in a desirable way. For myself, I feel that inside subspace I am centered. My life force feels in alignment. Distractions from the outside world don’t phase me. I exist in a manner which pleases me because it is pleasing to her. She is the center of my universe and everything that entails becomes abundantly clear. All of the other noise fades away.
While any Domme that has never been submissive will not have first hand understanding of this mind state, I find a good number of lifestyle Dommes that shares bits of their lives with us on the internet are able to control it freely. Not only that, but many of them strongly enjoy controlling it.
I will paraphrase an example that I have read dozens of times across various blogs that involve chastity. The words I remember reading are along the lines of this: “When she take control of his arousal and his sexual pleasure, all of the energy he used to spend thinking about his own pleasure becomes directed at her.”
I believe these words perfectly describe my feelings as I drift into subspace. I exist for her. She decides what is right and wrong. My purpose is to please her. Because chastity has such a noticeable and immediate effect, it is one of the reasons I see it as appealing… even if that means giving up control of something dear to me.
In that example, chastity serves as the trigger for subspace. It instills a set of feelings within the sub that push his mind into a focused and controlled state. From my times spent in chastity, the sound of the lock closing shut crushes the male ego in a wave of realizations: She took my penis away from me. She is in control. She is all that matters. Any desire that goes against her will is selfish. Selfish subs are unworthy.
What makes this difficult to express is that it is so far removed from the rational mind. The soul craves these feelings. The rational mind just feels loss. The sex experiences unconscious arousal even though sexual desire is laughable. My mind realizes, I do not want this, but it feels so right for my being.
An interesting thing about subspace triggers is that they are almost all negative things to the rational mind. They are all symbols of control. They are all things that make us feel more… owned… possessed… and consumed. Domestic discipline is a trigger because we deserve to be corrected to better serve her will. Humiliation is a trigger because it strips away our pride and dignity and the last of our resistance. Bondage is a trigger because it displays her control and our helplessness within it. Rules are a trigger because we must remain vigilante and mindful of her instructions. Fear is a trigger because we are at her mercy. Anticipation is a trigger because we never know what will be asked of us next.
I believe that most subs show this on their face. They humble themselves as the ego dies. They cringe and frown as she keeps them off balance. You can see it on their faces as they are shoved deeper into the abyss. Their sex betrays them while they may appear in agony, their penises show the truth. Their soul calls for this. The deeper they go, the more they love, and the more they are willing to endure. This is how I feel in subspace. Go deep enough and the rational mind falls silent. All that is left is the submissive, completely vulnerable and with a heart overflowing with love. He exists to please her.
This is what I crave. It is my subspace.