How did you discover that you were kinky?
Oh this one sucks. I would probably have to split this into two parts that I can actually answer.
“How did you discover that you were a freaky pervert?”
This one happened during adolescence. This goes back to M’s bondage games and what became my sexual fantasy: I would masturbate fantasizing about being tied up and mounted by her. She would tell me exactly what she wanted me to do and show me the right way to do it. She would control me. I was hers.
I think it took me two years to realize what I was doing was masturbating because it was by rubbing myself in a certain way through the top of a quilt rather than the traditional hand hump. I think it was around age 14 when I realized that I wasn’t getting erections from breasts, porn, etc. While I definitely have what I think is pretty and what I am drawn to, there was no sexual response.
For me to get aroused I had to choose a person and either create a story around them in my head or see something that was similar to the story in my head. The scene in Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone ties up Michael Douglas comes to mind. I was 13 and got an erection from that. By the time I realized just how different I was, I buried it completely like a well-guarded secret. I had experienced shaming too many times before to feel safe trusting ANYONE with it.
“How did you learn to accept being kinky?”
I accepted that I was kinky when K approached me. When it was clear that I could be a freaky pervert and find a woman who was into that. It was like my deepest hopes and dreams were answered.