22. Reluctant Dominance Part 2

It took me a few hours to find out why I was bothered enough to write the post on Reluctant Dominance yesterday and why what I read originally was enough to sour my mood.

Well, the sour mood is firmly rooted in being too sensitive and/or frustration at some of the things people say.  This topic had been on my mind for more than a week seeing as how it managed to surface itself on several blogs that I read.  The too sensitive part had to do with how it was communicated to me during a comment exchange on one of those blogs.

Now that my feelings are in order and I can tell that my thoughts are rational, I’m finally able to convey what I had hoped to during that post before getting wrapped up in romantic idealism and tearing the fangs off.

The idea that dominance is done as a favor and caters only to a man’s desires diminishes the value of submission.

I hold no malice towards women who after X years of marriage find out their husband had been hiding something major to them for several/many years.  For those people, dominance as a favor is an understandable point of view.

However, I do not understand how a Domme who entered through conditional means would hold or communicate this point of view and have it yield successful long-term relationships.

If my submission is not special, why was I chosen?

If my submission is not special, why am I careful about who I offer it to?

If my submission is not special, why should I feel like I have any value in the relationship?


This point of view is very good at damaging a sub’s psyche.  It also passes over the path to developing deep bonds and loving devotion.

Am I missing the boat here or are these feelings reasonable?


4 thoughts on “22. Reluctant Dominance Part 2

  1. I guess I can see how it could start out as a favor, but it would eventually have to evolve into more, right? There’s only so many favors you can do before it gets tedious. And, it’s (usually) important that subs feel their efforts are appreciated. How can one feel appreciated if it’s merely a favor to them?

    If my husband had told me he was only acting as my Dom as a favor to me, I would have been crushed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ms Dixie.

      Im those cases there is usually lingering resentment and limits as to how far the woman will go. 95% of those stories end up less than happy.

      The only reason I mention them so heavily in these posts is because I can accept reluctance because it was not consensual.

      My red flag has gone way up lately from reading about cases where Dommes view D/s this way in a relationship that was consensual.

      Your questions are exactly why I figure things do not work out well for these people.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

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