45. 30 Days of Kink: Day 11

What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Wow, this is an interesting one.  I’ve never actually thought about this as a topic directly before.

I’m of a split mind on this topic, mostly because I think that there are a lot of people who are capable of getting in over their heads by under-estimating what they are capable of consenting to while aroused and over-estimating what they are personally capable of handling.  Am I arrogant for thinking this?

In general, I agree with the SSC (safe, sane, consensual) line of BDSM ethics.  I think this works as a firm guideline for “most people” and their quest to explore kink in a manner that provides them with protection from potential dangers, pitfalls, and predators.  If someone violates your trust, stay away from them.

DISCLAIMER: The following ideas are my own personal views on the type of relationship I would desire and would be okay with living.  I do not recommend them for mass consumption and give this serious consideration if you do wish to go down this path. 

When it comes to long-term monogamous D/s relationships I tend to have a different set of beliefs.  I only follow these upon a few guiding principles:

  1. Both Domme and sub accept their roles with consent.
  2. The Domme cares about the sub’s overall well-being.
  3. Both parties are dedicated to being in the relationship for the long-haul.
  4. Common sense rules apply.  (These are covered under 2 and 3).
  5. There is adequate time and experience to build trust and knowledge of the other person.
  6. There are times when communication is open for both parties.

Under these condition things change quite a bit.  Her word is law.  The sub is the one to compromise.  Limits are only a suggestion.  Her pleasure is what matters, whether that is reciprocated is at her discretion.  She commands and he obeys is fair.  Safewords are optional and at her discretion. This list is far from complete but I think you can get the basic idea of it.

This style takes a large leap of faith on the part of the sub but it places the bulk of the burden on the Domme since she becomes responsible for keeping the relationship on track both with dynamics and monitoring the sub’s well-being.

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