Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? Any thing you particularly dislike or that annoys you? If so, what are they?
Yes, a ton of them. In no particular order:
1. Fetish poodles. The “subs” (and doms) that treat BDSM like it’s primarily a fashion show. These people remind me of scenesters that have eventually ruined most of the musical scenes I have been a part of. No substance, just fluff and appearances. Worst part about it is that they act like they are the ones that are supposed to be there and anyone not decked out in leather, PVC, and guy-liner don’t belong.
There are those out there who legitimately care about the lifestyle and enjoy getting their kink on with fetish clothing. I’m not talking about you. I’m pretty sure you do know who I’m talking about, and yeah, I’m referring to them.
2. Posturing. When people try to emulate their idea of what a Dominant or submissive “should” be. This frequently includes rigid standards that have no basis in real world experience. Their speech is frequently accompanied by the phrase “A REAL Domme would…” or “A REAL sub would…”. You can spot Dommes of this type by the angry forehead wrinkle.
3. Caveman maledoms. You know the types. “I haven’t read a book in 20 years but I sure know how to spank.” These are the ones that frequently get their masculinity threatened and look upon anyone that doesn’t wish to beat a woman as being less than a real man. I have been around far too many of these.
4. Overly-jaded Dommes and the douchebag male sub wannabes that make them jaded. This creates a toxic environment which makes things VERY difficult if you are shy. It’s too easy as a sub to feel like you are traversing a mine field. It is important to note, I do not hate jaded Dommes, I hate the system of events that make them overly-jaded.
That being said, to all the rude wannabe male sub bastards that send unsolicited dick pics, insult Dommes, threaten Dommes, try to force yourself upon them, running away when they show interest, and all the other garbage that makes Dommes cringe at the sight of their inbox… FUCK YOU ALL, I HATE YOU.
(A sarcastic person would now ask me how I really feel).
5. Catty, cliquey, backstabbity, worse-than-high school drama bullshit in BDSM communities. I don’t think I even have to explain this. Too bad 18+ doesn’t mean you have to act like an adult.
6. When people make statements about the lifestyle from a very narrow world view. Using things to state how “everything” is when in reality they are only covering a portion of the demographic. This can easily be avoided by using disclaimers, describing in more detail about who you are speaking to and, you know, letting us know that they are aware that other types of people and lifestyles exist in this world.
7. Widespread assumptions of the community as a whole. All subs are masochists. All women are submissive. All sissies are gay.
8. Dominants that think withholding dominance is a good punishment. This sort of implies that dominance is play. It sort of implies that dominance is a favor. It sort of implies that the D/s lifestyle is a switch you turn on and off. I don’t care for it.
9. Misunderstanding of subspace. It is not the same for everyone and it doesn’t always feel good in a pleasurable way.
10. People who mislabel themselves as subs but are actually bottoms.
Seeing as how I could probably keep going beyond 10, I must be a hater.