30 Days of Kink: Day 24

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

This is a really good question for me to have to answer as I’ve never done anything like make a checklist or anything like that.  I do plan to answer honestly even though it might come off a bit pathetic sounding.

It’s tough to explain because I don’t really seek out specific things.  I also realize that I sort of have two different ways of how I process this internally even if I go about them in the same method, I will try to describe them.  In general, I will search profiles and find one that sounds promising.  I will read their profile carefully and then follow up with their posted journal entries and/or blog entries if they are provided.

One of two things happen in this process:

1. The solitary me surfaces.  This is the me that is worried about being rejected and is timid and terrified at sending a message and presenting myself badly.  If the solitary me surfaces I look for signs that this is a person that could accept me and what I have to offer.  This usually means that they focus upon the quality of character of the sub rather than primarily stating physical characteristics, kink compatibility, and the like.  In these cases I look for people seeking a deep, genuine connection.  The writing draws you in rather than trying to eliminate you with a system of checklists.

2.  I am overwhelmed by someone’s charisma.  With these types, the passion of their words immediately draws me in.  I laugh, I smile, I nod in agreement.  I like their view of the world.  I like what they talk about.  I like how they present themselves.  I like what they are looking for.  They sound fucking perfect and I am (close to) what they say they are looking for.  They seem like the greatest person in the world that you would want to get to know, let alone be in a relationship with.

The primary commonalities between the two lead to an individual that is caring, loving, loyal, and accepting.

I’m willing to compromise in regards to kink interests unless their interests are beyond my hard limits.  Caring about the person and connecting with them intimately is always paramount to me.  I’m also willing to give most non-kink interests a chance.

This probably seems kind of sad, but the truth of it is that the odds are so stacked against me as a male sub that I just do my best and hope for a fit.  Generally someone that would appreciate what I have to offer is often looking for similar things.  I’ve also found that if love develops, there are a lot of obstacles that can be overcome through that if both parties invest emotionally and care about one another.

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