Years ago I remember making a post about how the clicking shut of a lock triggered a good bit of meaning to me. Back then I remember my thoughts on it were mostly that it made me feel safe, protected, and valued (e.g. you put a lock on an expensive bike). This pertained to what locks “said” when used in almost any fashion (restraints, collar, chastity, etc.).
This past year I’ve branched out a lot more and it has helped me to understand a good number of views that have definitely had an impact on how I view things. My feelings haven’t really changed… it’s probably easier to say that they have refined themselves as I come to know more about myself within this zany life.
I think the concept of locks vs. the honor system gives a bit of a divide in regards to how people view D/s in general. I don’t think it’s too bold of a statement to say that that a lot of subs enjoy the idea of locks. When it comes to actual practice, there is a split. To some, it’s an alert: Shit just got real. Freak out time. Be afraid. Run away. To others, it’s calming: She is serious. This makes me feel good. I feel comfortable now.
When looking at the perspective of the various Dommes I have known it is also quite split. I would have to say that the majority of them find the idea of self-control to be romantic and they want to respect a sub that they can be proud of. If she says not to masturbate, he won’t. If she tells him not to move from this spot, he won’t. He is willing to follow directions without being forced. The other side are Dommes that hear the click and get invigorated: Shit just got real. He’s mine now.
I’ve struggled with this a bit internally over the years. I love the idea of locks (and yes, I can handle them). I am also able to exert self-control. If that is the case, then why do I crave the lock so much? The answer had swirled around my head for years without ever being able to give a “good” answer for it. I had gut feelings, instincts, and the like, but never anything concrete.
As I pondered this again today the answer was suddenly glaringly obvious and I wanted to face-palm realizing that it hadn’t been something that I had consciously processed until now. It’s not that I can’t exert self-control, but self-control is less appealing to me because the absence of the lock gives me a choice.
If given the choice between following her instructions and disappointing her, I will always choose to follow instructions. That being said, I don’t want the ability to choose. I want to feel her control as she takes choice away from me. I like the loss of freedom, it drives my subspace. I like the absence of options, the inability to disobey, and outcomes that are beyond my control. I like feeling her control over me, ensuring that she gets exactly what she wants.
While I can do fine on the honor system, I thrive under lock and key.
I like to think it is romantic that I will submit that deeply to her and show my love. I like to think that when she embraces her control over me that it shows that she cares.