I have been thinking a lot about the D/s lifestyle lately and after giving a couple of subs some advice on how to attract a Dominant woman for a long-term relationship and I realize just how far removed I am in my mind from the realm of BDSM relationships where kink is defined and the idea of consensual mutual pleasure is a defining factor.
Namely, I do not picture a lifestyle that doesn’t involve domestic service. While there are service submissives out there that get their kink from doing chores (often thanklessly), I unfortunately am not wired that way. I don’t mind cooking but cleaning/housekeeping, landscaping, and the like are not my cup of tea. There are also times where I don’t even feel like cooking and would rather get take-out, delivery, or eat at a restaurant. While I do not want to do those things, I am willing to do those things. They can even be somewhat enjoyable if the right factors are in place to make them fuel my subspace, but truthfully I see service as part of the role of being a lifestyle submissive.
There are a lot of subs out there that enjoy sexual service, pampering, and body worship. While that is closer to being service-oriented than someone that just wants to be tied down and whipped, the idea of service becomes a bit of a gray area.
True service-oriented subs that also are “life partner” material are sort of a rarity out there. Requiring someone to be of this type also limits the potential of many subs, never giving them the chance to rise to the occasion. The BDSM ideal of kink-overlap also sort of undermines the idea of a sub that is willing but doesn’t desire it. It is kind of strange in that way as it’s so damn hard to find a compatible partner, I don’t feel it has to be made even harder by unicorn hunting. A difference between the willing sub and the sub with true service desires is whether or not any amount of external motivation is needed.
It’s true that not every Domme expects a sub to provide domestic service. It’s also true that a lot of them do. I think this is why when I advise single subs that they should be willing or it reduces potential interest without it.
In my own twisted brain I have found a way to fetishize it. It drives my subspace to have the decision of domestic chores made for me regardless of how I feel about them. It drives my subspace to have consequences for not fulfilling my duties within the allotted time and/or up to quality standards. It drives my subspace to have my service be a basic expectation, without the need for please or thank you, merely the constant knowledge that failing will disappoint her and disappointing her is bad. While in said subspace, the thought of her having to perform those same tasks pains me and I can only envision a life where they are part of my duty.
I have no idea if thoughts like these are good or bad but even that really isn’t up to me.