120. A Little Clarity (no pun intended)

I can’t remember how much of this I have shared here on WP, but over the past month or so I have been struggling with the idea that I might be a little.  This is because in one of my deeper submissive mental states I find my feelings closely resembling those of a younger version of myself.  Terrified, needing to please, trying to earn affection, and the like.  It has been quite confusing for me because while the persona might feel younger, there were some definite differences between it and how I have come to understand littles.

I was finally able to converse with some individuals that were able to shed some light on this.  According to them, little space is more of an escape that frees the mind from stress and is meant to be a happy place.  My space is more like that of a beaten dog, expecting abuse, expecting to be trampled and denied, and full of anxiety.  After some in depth conversation on the topic I am pretty much certain that I am not a little and that my space more closely resembles PTSD (and it probably is PTSD).

So yay, I guess.  I have some clarity.  If only my job situation would provide me with more I could probably relax and enjoy life a bit more in the meantime.


4 thoughts on “120. A Little Clarity (no pun intended)

  1. Thank you for sharing, furcissy. I know that this is something you have struggled finding clarity in. What you have learned about “little” space is insightful and rings true with some of what I have read as well. I hope that having a better understanding of yourself in this way brings you some peace. Hugs my friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Nora.

      It is strange but as I heal and the anxiety subsides I almost miss not understanding… as that anxiety was able to keep me trapped so deeply in subspace that it became a rather desirable feeling.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This makes a lot of sense, furcissy….you had grown comfortable in that uncomfortable place. But, growth and healing are good and hopefully you will find a new, emotionally healthier way to attain subspace 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I do hope so, Nora. I do miss basically having a single button that could be pressed and immediately send me very deep into space in less than 3 seconds. I know I can still hit the same depth, it just doesn’t happen as easily.

          Liked by 1 person

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