124. Double Standards in Fantasy, Porn, and Kink – 2017 Edition

Yes, I’m revisiting a topic that I have written about before as it is fresh in my thoughts…

Today while leaving some comments on a blog entry I got to thinking about how there are societal double-standards when it comes to how men and women approach fantasy, porn, and kink. This isn’t something that gets talked about too often and I know that there will be people who have experienced the opposite of what I am about to write, but as a whole, I firmly believe that men and women are “taught” to behave and feel differently about these topics.

Men are expected to watch/look at porn. This is generally unspoken outside of locker room talk, but part of being “one of the guys” is to like tits, want to fuck, and have a large stash of pornography that is called upon for masturbatory assistance. For the most part, this isn’t spoken about, it is merely assumed. You are a man, you like porn.

Women are not expected to watch/look at porn. I know many women who do enjoy porn, but they stand out as anomalies because the acknowledgement if porn watching is generally reserved for men. This rarely gets spoken about and it is generally assumed that if you are a proper lady, you do not watch porn.

While the view of porn tends to favor men, fantasy definitely favors women. In place of porn, women are expected to read erotic novels, craft in-depth mental fantasies, and get turned on by symbols, environments, and situations. This is frequently viewed as being more cultured than the stereotypical neanderthal “me see tits, me jerk off” masturbation habits of men. Women with active imaginations and deep fantasies are considered experimental, sexually open/free/liberated, and in some cases, kinky. It is acceptable to women to break out a pair of handcuffs, hint at an erotic spanking, and things of this nature.

In contrast, men who fantasize are perverse deviants. Men are the wankers who jerk off to impossible ideals or porn stereotypes. In their lowest form, they become fetishists. As a fetishist, you are some evil soul that objectifies women and deserves to be portrayed as some degenerate pervert on CSI. It doesn’t matter what your fetish is, the fact that you have one basically turns you into a sex-offender. You mean you’re a guy and you don’t just jerk off to tits and sex? Disgusting pervert.

When all is said and done we often turn to the kink communities in order to find open-minded people who are tolerant and will understand us. This leads me to the next topic, kink shaming. For those who aren’t familiar with this term, it is basically what it sounds like, ridiculing someone because of their kinks. For the most part, this happens asymmetrically in the BDSM community. Men are kink-shamed. Women are not.

I’m not going to lie, men earn a lot of this. The thousands of one-handed typers that harass and disgust women on a daily basis skew things badly. That being said, there isn’t a rush to separate the wankers from the people. It is considered perfectly okay to treat a man who is respectful and articulate in the same way you would treat a man that messages you with a dick pic and the message “howru. suck my cock.”

As this persists it can get really ugly. There is never a shortage of men who make complete asses of themselves. There is never a shortage of hate to be poured upon all men because of those other men. Everyone gets jaded.

It honestly gets a bit weird how this progresses. It’s sort of like… no matter what a woman likes and whatever her characteristics may be, that is okay. A woman who is a little? There are thousands of daddies out there. A woman that is overweight? There is an entire community set up around BBW worship. A woman with a third leg? There would be a line of men with foot or trampling fetishes several miles long wanting to be with her.

But if you are a man and are into _______, holy shit you better watch out because you are a disgusting pervert that will have to pay $250 an hour to have your needs met. You will read about how “all men are into _______ and it’s impossible to find normal quality men.” You will be told “YKINMK” and then cut off. You will be rejected without being given any form of chance whatsoever, because liking ______ makes you a pariah.

This kind of sucks. It’s kind of unfair. Lately I have noticed a lot more people noticing this and I consider that movement in the right direction. It feels like there is a long ways to go.

• Femdom