Some comments showed up today on Lady Grey’s blog that kind of set me off a little bit. I read them and just thought “wow, this person is full of shit and doesn’t get it.” A lot of the words actually played into part of the clashes that my last entry talked about. When I actually dissected their jumbled mess of grammatical errors and disorganized thoughts, the problem became abundantly clear.
I have since decided not to reply to them as I would prefer not to dive into the mud with such an individual.
It seems that in the past few years the amount of binary thinking has increased, so much to the point where it has become the standard. Right/wrong. Yes/no. With us/against us. You see it in politics all the time. I’ve been in BDSM long enough to no longer be naive about believing people involved in it to be open-minded. However, binary thinking is terrifying.
Extremes. This goes against the bell-curve. Most people fall towards the CENTER, not to the extreme ends. Viewing through extremes tends to falsely pull people in directions because they feel they have to pick a side.
Easy answers. Since when do difficult and complicated questions have easy answers? True/False answers don’t work all that well for Essay Questions. It also gives people a false sense of knowledge when they can simply memorize the “correct responses” without giving it a modicum of thought. The end result is that you find a slew of people who rattle off cliches that will flat out contradict one another.
False moral superiority. Is it wrong to steal? Yes. Is it wrong to steal food from someone who has excess in order to feed a child that is starving to death? If you can blurt out a yes/no answer to this question without asking a dozen other questions to gain understanding of the situation, then I wish I was you. When things are difficult and complicated you SHOULD agonize over any answer other than “I don’t know.” “In some cases yes, in other cases no,” is frequently the most correct answer to any question, and that is anything but binary. Life is easier to have an answer for everything and have that answer be as simply as possible. Those who have that easy answer generally look down upon those who have… a different answer.
While there are thousands of dangers I could list of this type of thinking but I don’t plan to cover them all. I will talk about one more that is something that I have been baited into several times.
When I read a statement that only considers one of the two options and wish to contest it, the natural response is to provide evidence where the opposite is true. This in turn makes the cases involved look like they are in fact debating the binary options.
My last post most likely painted my attitude towards service to be one that I only want when feeling submissive. That is not the case at all but such is the dangers of confronting the topic of “submissive all the time.”
Here is a better illustration of how I would look at my own view on submissive mental space and service.
-As my vanilla self, I rationally know that I want to serve and be pleasing to my Domme all the time. There are days where this flows naturally with my mood. There are days where I’m not feeling as well and the rational understanding is there but the feelings are half-hearted. There are days when I’m not feeling well at all and serving is something I really would rather not do right now, but I still will, probably with reluctance. There may be days occasional days where I feel so wrecked that I don’t want to serve and may resist. Basically, I have the normal gambit of feeling good, ok, meh, and terrible, with plenty of variations in between.
-As my submissive self, I rationally know that I want to serve and be pleasing to my Domme all the time. I serve happily with plenty of self-motivation to perform my role. Injecting some fear into the mix will shift that to serving frantically and desperately, with external motivation in spades.
By confronting this idea it often requires establishing a firm stance in the opposite. That isn’t an ideal way of dealing with it either. There are endless variations and in-betweens.
Why I am on this topic has to do with reading some statements about how subs are conditioned and then it is not consensual, and things are either “this way” or loving. The person of course had to ensure that we know they are in an FLR. Like seriously? It’s like throwing that banner up tends to signify “douche bag,” and it is why I have come to loathe the term so much.
The first aspect is the notion of something being consensual OR conditioned. Can’t it be both? Can one not consent to be conditioned? Once conditioned, is that no longer them?
The other aspect is the notion that something is either cruel OR loving. Can’t it be both? If both parties enjoy cruel, doesn’t that make cruelty a way of showing love?
I don’t know, I guess I’m just severely tired of this game and I can’t see any way that it benefits the world at large or most individuals.