150. Evolving the submissive self

Being a submissive in the D/s lifestyle is one of the few times where a person constantly evolves under the guidance of a true merit-based system. Certain behaviors are encouraged while others are discouraged. Over time we find ourselves shaped into the image that the Domme desires. At each plateau, repetition helps polish our skills and improve the quality of our service. In turn, this makes us a “better” submissive. The better that we conform, the more likely we are to instill confidence in the Domme, often granting her the courage to push us to the next step and continuing the evolutionary process for both parties.

That being said, I believe it is very possible for a sub to evolve on their own by imagining dominance. Try to imagine what a Domme thinks, feels, desires, and needs. How do things touch her in a positive way when it comes to her heart, her mind, her beliefs, her sexuality, and practical functionality?

If you are like me, the process may not be clear on all of these fronts, but it is still possible to attempt to extrapolate the cause and effect chains. If you have a dominant partner, hopefully you’ve been paying enough attention to her to pick these things up. If you don’t have a dominant partner, try to picture the personality type of the dominant that you would like to serve. This differs greatly from fantasy. In fantasy, you are envisioning what speaks to you. In these cases, you want to imagine what speaks to her. It may be a bit of a reality check to think about all of the things you like that provide a Domme with no benefit.

Forgive the generalization here, but from my experiences women tend to respond to symbolism and meaning from actions more than men do, so when imagining an event it is also important to picture how she will interpret it in a greater sense of things. This is very important in making sure that you picture things that think solely about her and not use this as a means to try to covertly manipulate response that will lead to favorable treatment for yourself.

Thoughtfulness, effort, and displays of affection will likely be well-received. Things that speak to obedience, control, and ownership are also a plus. It may also work to elevate her status, pamper her, unleash the pleasure in life through pampering, and make her feel like a cherished Goddess. Expect nothing beyond the “in the moment” response. Expect no reciprocation. Require no thanks. Have no impure motive. The answers to why should remain simple. “Because I wanted to.” “Because I thought you would like it.” “Because I wanted to see you smile.” “Because I love you.” “Because you are my Queen.”

Working this through will improve your active submission. You will become better at anticipating needs. You will find new ways to please that she may not have even imagined.

As much as we can ever evolve by responding to her dominance, there are hundreds of ways we can better ourselves as submissives by being proactive and finding new ways to please her.

9 thoughts on “150. Evolving the submissive self

  1. Great post, furcissy! I like what you have to say about practicing your own submission, with or without a Dominant. I would like to spend more time thinking about how I might serve my Dominant, without being so damn selfish about it….I tend to focus on “what’s in it for me” at times…a quality I would like to work on reducing/eliminating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Nora.

      It can be quite a reality check to compare personal fantasy vs. your best perception of how it benefits a dominant. Often you can spot the themes and symbolism that fall at the root of their preferences. Frequently that is where the overlap happens between the desires of both parties.

      I do have to say that the differences in permitted sexual habits are often at the core of what you wish to change. Alas, it is another common difference between F/m and M/f.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Nora, sometimes I find myself drifting to the “so, when do I get my reward” thoughts. But its nice (and peaceful) to do things for the love, the smile, her pleasure,)

    Liked by 1 person

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