The other night I did some searches via search engines to try and locate more blogs. In addition to WP, I also have Tumblr and Blogger blogs. I started my Blogger blog back in 2010 and just recently hit my 1000th post. The Tumblr blog is something I started when I relaunched the current URL here on WordPress and is a simple mirror. There was a time when search engines were friendlier to my blog(s) and my Blogger blog has actually seen quite a bit of traffic in its day, but lately I have discovered that search engines see things differently now and I am nearly invisible, especially on Google. Bing and Yahoo are far more kind to tracking down my writing but sadly I have found that I am still the lone blog author on a handful of subjects. For a number of searches it is my blog and a bunch of porn links.
When I started here on WordPress I was attempting to correct many of the errors I made when I started on Blogger: Choose a generic blog name. Avoid certain topics that will pigeon-hole the audience demographic or make me look like a pariah. Avoid showing all of my insecure inner-crazy. It seems to have worked to some extent. While my Blogger view numbers still exceed this blog, the number of interactions I get here on WP are much higher. At this time, this blog gets about 80% of what I write, although speaking globally, only about 50-60% of the types of posts I have made in the past. I do not post my fiction or drawings here. While I am currently on hiatus from actively writing fiction or drawing, I am unsure if I will post them here.
To put it bluntly, I am afraid. I fear rejection by readers. While some bloggers write for themselves, I write to interact with others. I have quite a bit of lifestyle experience, so much of what I write can be helpful, but my past experiences leave me hesitant to delve deeper out of fear that if I tackle certain topics, the people who currently read will stop.
What I am slowly finding is that WP is a much better community than Blogger. Blogger has barely any F/m and M/f crossover interaction with the exception of spanko blogs. On WP, FLR has the meaning that I knew it to have while on Blogger people use it like an exclusive term and constantly remind others about how it is superior to people who practice “Femdom.” I find that on WP, I run into the same people when I make comments on other blogs and those blog types vary quite greatly.
This makes me believe I can probably delve a little deeper here than I had previously felt comfortable doing. While I may let it out in a slow trickle, I will try to be braver going forward.
One aspect I have kept hidden is that I used to draw a lot of computer art. I have always wanted to draw and I’m not particularly good at it, but ~5 years ago I got some software and a tablet and gave it a whirl. In my mind I’m a bit freaky, so traditional Femdom porn has little or no appeal to me. Being able to draw out fantasy scenes that do not exist in the current porn repertoire was always a huge allure. I’m not a very good artist. In school I couldn’t risk my GPA to take classes that no matter how hard I tried, they would likely ruin my 4.0 due to lack of ability. I have not posted any of my drawings here. The height of popularity on my Blogger blog was when I was actively drawing, and getting several thousand views a day when posting a new one was common. Apparently there were others out there that like me, were looking for the craziness spawned from my mind.
Here are a couple of samples of tamer drawings. Something I haven’t written about much is my attraction to women in fur, but it will probably bleed out in these. Also, for a while I got a lot of requests to do portraits. Subs would have me draw their Dommes, sometimes as just a digitized version and other times in more of a fantasy setting. For my last disclaimer, I have no knowledge of drawing methods, techniques, and the like. I last took an art course in 8th grade and I am starting to panic before I hit publish. I will be brave.
Maybe at some point I will share some more and reveal extra tidbits of my hidden side. For those who are genuinely curious and do not want to wait, I do have a link to my Blogger blog in my About Me section.