194. Thoughts on scape-goating, hierarchies, and relativism

I thought about posting this upon my blog that I keep certain topics separated on, but after giving it some thought, it seems to fit in with the posts I have made over the past few days.

One of the more horrific historical trends since the beginning of written history are the trends of the way that power oppresses those without it, that people like to place responsibility (or fault) upon groups that can be oppressed, and the ability of any group to be able to look down upon and be glad that they aren’t in a lower and less desirable group.  Genocide.  Slavery.  Caste systems.  Institutionalized control.  It almost feels like history has shown us that this is mankind’s default behavior.

Thankfully, many of those acts are now looked down upon by popular opinion.  While they still exist in the world, in first world nations, the acceptable versions become more covert, occasionally exposing themselves on a systematic level.

While there are a number of courageous and free-spirited individuals that don’t mind announcing their sexual differences from the rooftops, for most of us, the kinky side of our lives remains a very private affair.  The fact that we feel the need to hide it from the world at large is due to the fear of ridicule and potentially life-ruining effects due to the popular opinion that exercising D/s makes you a sexual deviant.  In today’s day and age, where information travels at the speed of a click, everything leaves an electronic paper trail, and states are passing (or attempting to pass) laws that allow for discrimination based upon religion and sexual orientation, this is terrifying.

So… people bunker down.  They circle the wagons with the like-minded… and look for ways to separate themselves in a morally superior way from the “real deviants.” “At least I’m not into ___________.”

Shit always rolls downhill.  This trend continues in kink communities.  At the bottom you find a collection of individuals with fetishes that exceed most people’s hard limits, individuals with fetishes that are illegal, submissive men with strong fetishes that do not benefit a Domme, cuckolds, and heterosexual non-passable feminized males.

As a heterosexual non-passable feminized-to-humiliate-and-control submissive male, I am he who is a poster child for “at least I’m not you.”

I can tell from the comments of friends of mine in the community that they do not like that I see myself this way.  They wish that I could see myself in a better light.  Unfortunately, history is not kind to those who violate the established order as a lone individual.  I should know my place.  I should accept my place.  I should never dream of rising above my station.  Popular opinion accepts my existence.  Your kink is not my kink, there is no one right way, and I’m open-minded are the voice of popular opinion.  Unfortunately, it is often within the same mind where, “at least I’m not into that,” is also part of the mostly unspoken popular opinion.

For the most part, I accept my station.  If someone wants to bully me, tease me, or even make scathing and/or cruel remarks, they are not wrong to do so.   I’m pretty certain whatever they say will be true.  If someone simply speaks the truth, is that really bullying, teasing, or being cruel?  In most cases I have no grounds to argue with them.

I’m not so spineless as to just sit back and accept everything.  I will rally against popular opinion when I feel it is in the wrong.  I will educate and discuss it in a rational way.  I will provide evidence for what I say.

This doesn’t change my station.  I accept that I reside at the bottom.


9 thoughts on “194. Thoughts on scape-goating, hierarchies, and relativism

  1. We don’t like that you see yourself this way because, despite your past, you shouldn’t. Doesn’t matter what your kinks are, doesn’t matter what your fetishes are, doesn’t matter if you are a sissy submissive or an alpha submissive or a bratty submissive or … whatever. Doesn’t matter if all you want to do is roll in the mud, as long as you aren’t harming anyone or breaking the law. Otherwise..the only people who have the right to care are the people with whom you plan on having a relationship.
    We don’t like that you see yourself this way because we see the warm, caring, intelligent, respectful, helpful, inquisitive, introspective, thoughtful parts of you. You genuinely care about people, you dive into the psychological aspects of bdsm and kink, and you treat everyone with caring. People like you are rare, and you deserve to be on top.

    We are more than our kinks, our fetishes, our desires. No one deserves to be on the bottom based on those. (Except people who do illegal and non-consensual things. They deserve a lot worse.)

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Well, damn. This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you.

      I was actually in the midst of typing another post that was building off of this but now I want to delete it. I will probably still post it as I have been working on it for over an hour and it is almost done, but this made me smile a lot and means a lot to me that you feel this way.

      Take care.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think that I am fortunate not to have been a part of a kink community where this sort of hierarchy exists, as wherever I sat on their ‘scale’ myself, I would not feel comfortable being part of it. I hope that people can find other ways to enjoy the things they like than to have to be part of such a community although I realise that my view may be a little naive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Missy.

      I believe you are fortunate to have been able to avoid this. I do believe it is a lot less common in Europe for things to be this way than in the USA. A lot of people miss out on having any chance at taking part due to availability. I remember being at munches and whenever there was a new person, they got treated completely differently based upon gender and role. It wasn’t a very warm environment, but it had been an upgrade to the group I had tried before then.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

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