So much of D/s involves transitioning your submissive self away from the internal submissive desires (what will you do to me?) to external focuses (what can I do for you?). This often serves as the balancing act, preventing you from treading into the dangerous realm of “do me sub” or “wanker” labels and turning your attention to the practical and beneficial aspects of lifestyle submission. It is viewed as a positive to be eager with your service rather than ache for your desires.
I read a question today that someone uses as their “check mechanism” for their submissive mindset (credit to Toraprincess). The question was, and I may not be quoting it exactly, was, “are you looking to submit or are you wanting to be dominated?” This is another important mindset when looking at D/s as a lifestyle. What you want to offer freely is seen as far more valuable than what you wish to be taken.
I do not think it is a bad thing for the bulk of our mental training to be focused upon what we want to give and how we want to please someone else. This approach is very pleasing to dominants and it keeps a submissive self focused and centered in a realistic and positive way. When I advise newer subs, this is the path I steer them down.
Sometimes I get so focused on these mindsets that they are all I really see. During these times I get ashamed of my other desires… the ones that don’t directly benefit her. I can tell that I am in a more balanced state now because I don’t need a jarring wake-up call to remind me of something. Often, it will take a blog or comments from an author such as Lady Grey or others that remind me of the other side. A lot of dominants have their own set of needs and desires.
There are dominants that want to take. They will take what is given freely and then some. The idea fuels them. They don’t want to be fed, they want to hunt. There are dominants that want to do anything and everything to you. They thrive on inflicting every sexual and sensual torture they can think of. The power fuels them. They want to make demands and expect you to meet them. They say, “jump.” You ask, “how high?” They respond, “six inches higher than you are able to,” and then watch as your brain processes the inevitability of planned failure. You still have to jump, just to show them that you tried and experience the inevitable.
This is something to remember. There are times when they want to hunt. But we should be wary of our desire to be hunted.
NOTE: Reworded the last sentence at 6:07pm CST on 10/22/17