Missy over at The SafeworD/s Club wrote a follow up to my Separating self and spaces post. Reading that and the comments made me feel like revisiting a topic that I have written about in the past. It seems there isn’t a lot of talk on mental spaces in general. Like the other post, I am going to use subspace in place of submissive mental space. This is how I have traditionally used the term and prefer it this way.
Anyone can feel free to disagree with this post. Just please tell me what it is you disagree with and why 🙂
“Being in subspace” is a very generic description. Sort of like the phrase “being in love” doesn’t imply enough. Madly in love? A deep crush? Soulmates? Lust at first sight? Like love, with subspace there are many different degrees, intensities, and levels that speak to different parts of our submissive selves. It is rarely static, and how you feel in one moment can change to the next depending upon the events and environment.
I like to compare subspace to a swimming pool. It has a shallow end and a deep end. When in the pool, you can maneuver into deeper or shallower waters from where you are. You can jump or be pushed into the pool and land in different depths. The deeper you go, the more submissive you feel and the less of your “self” is present in your thoughts and motives. The deepest you can reach is slavespace, where you nearly cease to exist as a person and feel more like an object or tool. In the shallowest of spaces you may just experience arousal, feeling playful, and wanting to seduce, be seduced, physical contact, etc. I believe when most people “feel submissive,” they are lingering in the medium depth waters.
Triggers are the key to your starting point. A strong trigger may have you landing immediately in deep subspace. A very weak trigger such as a glance or a singular associative word may have you just gliding into the shallow end. Triggers also function within the pool. Each additional trigger applied to a submissive in subspace will take them deeper. Subs that are in deep space must be coerced back from the depths, or in the case of a male, an orgasm flings them out of the pool.
The practical application of this varies for people. I think understanding how submissive you feel in relative depths is very beneficial to people who are newer to the lifestyle. I think it is very important for dominants to have an understanding of the strength of the triggers they apply to be able to guide a sub to their desired depth. It may even be useful early on for a sub to assign a numerical or descriptive “value” to how they are feeling at a given time so that the dominant can make note of physical/visual cues as well as behavioral traits. e.g. 1 is shallow, 10 is slave, responding with a 4 is medium but an 8 is very deep. You may find you enjoy completely different activities depending upon your depth and that certain activities will shift your depth.
Overall, I think the biggest things to take from this is that the depth of your subspace will vary and that it is always in motion, moving to shallower or deeper waters as it responds to what is going on around you. Your starting depth may set the tone for things, but you will be in constant flux.