217. I am not immune…

I am not immune to the ache.  While the absence of D/s in my life has forced me to develop a very large number of coping methods, my system is far from perfect.  Self-maintenance, living vicariously through others, and crafting fantasies to satiate my mind help quite a bit, but sometimes it is not enough.

Weekends are the hardest for me because I do not have the same type scheduled privacy that allows me to induce my own submissive mental space through the easiest triggers.  For those who have read my writing for an extended period you can probably notice the tonal difference between when I am writing from subspace and when I am not.  It is also probably quite evident when I have frustration built up due to being blocked or prevented from accessing this space for a while.  I would have to imagine they almost sound like they are being written by different people.  That probably isn’t too far from the truth.

I sit now and ache… knowing that I am a few hours away from being able to find myself.  I wish that knowledge made me more patient, but it just makes me want it even more.


11 thoughts on “217. I am not immune…

  1. Sending hugs, my friend. To be honest…I had wondered about this…how you managed emotionally without an active D/s lifestyle. I know there are ways to trigger yourself, but I am sorry you still experience that ache. XOXO, nora

    Liked by 2 people

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