Thoughts on Labels and Identity

I know that a lot of people want to shy away from labels.  They don’t want to be contained by a set of characteristics that constrain them. I tend to agree.  When you are in the midst of a relationship with active D/s, it is important to find your own way.  You find what works in a practical way and this frequently requires breaking away from set conventions and definitions.

Things are a bit different when you are not actively practicing D/s.  When faced with starting over, your labels become you.  They become your identity unless people decide to delve deeper.  Without labels, you are nothing that people are looking for.  The labels are necessary to serve as the starting point… the filter.

I find myself confused without a firm grasp of my labels.  10+ years of understanding just vanished for me.  This was 10+ years of being able to explain myself, describe myself, and have a fairly accurate idea of how people perceive me.  I feel kind of naked.  Understanding myself has always given me confidence.  Being able to share how the parts of myself work has given me peace of mind.  Currently I just feel a bit… lost.

I want to write more but I’m feeling a bit… out of touch with myself.  Until I find the new edges and boundaries of myself, I fear this will continue.  What I want has not changed… but the reasons why have become drastically different.

I know the understanding will come with time… and getting over this cold will help clear my head to figure things out.  I just wish it was happening sooner and in a way that was more familiar to me.

 

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31 thoughts on “Thoughts on Labels and Identity

  1. “I find myself confused without a firm grasp of my labels. 10+ years of understanding just vanished for me. This was 10+ years of being able to explain myself, describe myself, and have a fairly accurate idea of how people perceive me. I feel kind of naked. Understanding myself has always given me confidence. Being able to share how the parts of myself work has given me peace of mind.”
    – I’m with you, fc! Lables give me temporary boundaries while I develop healthy boundaries. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, P. I think this one is hard for me because I have almost zero reference point for other male subs with this… and my own perspective in it seems to differ greatly from those I know. I’m sure it will make more sense over time, I just wish that time would arrive sooner 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I agree with you completely. Unfortunately with where I am, I am mostly perceived by those features and boxes. It is a far from perfect system, but I do my best with my place in it.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm sounds like fc is struggling with…. what’s the word I’m looking for… stats with p. 😉

    It will be interesting to see your evolution my friend.

    Oh, patience. That’s the word! “Patience young padawan” I think someone once told me?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I support you on your journey toward a deeper self-understanding, furcissy! After having such a strong grasp on who you thought you were, you must feel a bit lost at sea right now. But, I tend to agree with toraprincess….there are so many possibilities in new beginnings! And, a great chance at fulfillment:-)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I would imagine that you will be able to do some of this work on your own…exploring your wants/desires, etc., but…sometimes you have to live it to truly figure it out. I think there are a lot of exciting discoveries in your future 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I firmly believe that life is an evolutionary process. I’ve thought that I was many different things and have been proven wrong each time. It takes a bit to get to gain traction again, but you’ll get there. Not as quickly as you would like, but when you have processed and are fully ready to embrace a new understanding of yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. These were mostly some recent discoveries that managed to change my entire understanding of my submission. It’s not so much part of an ongoing process, moreso the start of a completely new one.

      Like

  5. To quote The Bard, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” I don’t think that you are lost. I think you are finding out some new things about yourself. People are always evolving and growing. When that stops that really is the reason to feel disillusioned. You have an incredible understanding of yourself and an intuitive understanding of how others work too. Having words to explain things helps to give understanding and peace of mind, but you are still you. None of what you thought before has to be thrown out but you will arrive at a deeper understanding of the various parts of you as life throws things in your path which make you think. The great thing is that you are a person who thinks and a person who cares and that is what makes you who you are. I hope that you find your answers soon but I am sure that these will not be the last questions that you consider. Hugs – hope the head is clearer soon 😊

    Liked by 2 people

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