I know that a lot of people want to shy away from labels. They don’t want to be contained by a set of characteristics that constrain them. I tend to agree. When you are in the midst of a relationship with active D/s, it is important to find your own way. You find what works in a practical way and this frequently requires breaking away from set conventions and definitions.
Things are a bit different when you are not actively practicing D/s. When faced with starting over, your labels become you. They become your identity unless people decide to delve deeper. Without labels, you are nothing that people are looking for. The labels are necessary to serve as the starting point… the filter.
I find myself confused without a firm grasp of my labels. 10+ years of understanding just vanished for me. This was 10+ years of being able to explain myself, describe myself, and have a fairly accurate idea of how people perceive me. I feel kind of naked. Understanding myself has always given me confidence. Being able to share how the parts of myself work has given me peace of mind. Currently I just feel a bit… lost.
I want to write more but I’m feeling a bit… out of touch with myself. Until I find the new edges and boundaries of myself, I fear this will continue. What I want has not changed… but the reasons why have become drastically different.
I know the understanding will come with time… and getting over this cold will help clear my head to figure things out. I just wish it was happening sooner and in a way that was more familiar to me.