228. Accountable?

The idea of accountability is one of the most polarizing topics in lifestyle D/s.  In many ways, I see it as one of the great dividing lines that says a lot about a style of dominance.  While accountability may not be the first thing you think of when it comes to D/s, a dominant’s views on accountability often reflect a lot in the way that lifestyle dynamics are arranged.  I will try to illustrate approximations of each view in order to contrast them.

  1. This type of dominant wants to hold the sub accountable for anything and everything.  They want to load them up with protocols, rules, and rituals, and will carefully monitor them on every front.  Holding the sub accountable means they intend to punish them for failing to meet standards.  It is common for subs to fantasize about this type of dominant.
  2. This type of dominant thinks the sub should hold themselves accountable.  If an instruction or rule is given that is easy to follow, they will expect the sub to hold themselves accountable and see it through without the threat of punishment.  Constant monitoring of simple things is tedious and annoying, adults should be able to adult.  I know that there are a lot of dominants that feel this way about a lot of things.

In a perfect world, this wouldn’t be a problem because everyone would be able to find a dom/sub that matches their preferences and everyone lives happily ever after.  Sadly, our world is far from perfect and you will find numerous cases where D/s relationships crashed and burned because they could not find a happy medium that worked for both dominant and submissive on this front.

It pretty much falls to the sub to adapt when the types don’t match up.  In most cases, this doesn’t go very well.





17 thoughts on “228. Accountable?

  1. Perhaps it is your experience as a submissive that leads to you saying that the submissive must adapt if the dynamic is at odds with the accountability expectations of the Dominant. And perhaps it is my experience as a Dominant that leads me to disagree.
    In any case, when those in the relationship can’t/won’t work together to solve problems that affect The Relationship, it will invariably lead to failure.
    I’m a type 2 Dominant. I don’t want to have to nitpick over a submissive or his tasks. If the submissive can’t motivate himself to do as I ask then it really is too much work.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have been with both types 1 and 2 and can work in either situation. I find the majority of the time, what I do is exactly the same, it’s more a matter of how it influences my mental space while doing them.

      The reason I say it is the sub that has to adapt is because the dominants I have encountered that are type 2 have zero interest at all in changing how they go about things.

      I have been encountering a lot of people lately that have attempted to inject D/s into an existing vanilla relationship. The majority of those cases make the attempt on the insistence of the sub and in about 90% of them, the dominant ends up as a type 2. A lot of those subs were hoping for type 1 and end up floundering unless they are able to adapt.

      I guess I just don’t see too many situations where a dominant is willing to make any type of concession on this topic, which leaves the sub as the one making the compromise (or things end up failing).

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is so neat to see different points of views.

    I don’t see it as nitpicking at all, I enjoy thinking of ways to motivate my sub and to find ways to incorporate D/s into my everyday life. I feel like being ‘that’ involved in the relationship is VERY rewarding for both sides. Besides, my vagina loves it, so it’s a no-brainer.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I actually see both types in my relationship. I think that the type depends on the situation, but I have seen both! I find it interesting that you’ve primarily found that almost every dominant youve met falls on one side or the other, but not usually on some middle ground. My DD has a lot on his plate, sometimes he needs me to live type 2, but when he has the option to really focus on us is more type 1. Maybe that is born out of necessity, but I think we live a little bit of both.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, slars. That makes complete sense. Based upon my interactions with him, I would guess that he is naturally a type 1. I think if given the choice and the means to make it happen, that he would choose that route. It is good that the both of you can find a balance when that is unavailable.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Interesting post, fc! I think Daddy is actually a mix of the two. In some areas of life he’s type 1 and in others he’s type 2! I don’t know his system of deciding what’s important enough to be type 1 in or when to be type 2, though 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, M. That is interesting as I don’t meet many who aren’t very clearly defined in one way or the other. I know we were able to talk about this. I always like hearing your thoughts on things.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 🙂 I am slow to process things! So maybe I’ll change my mind as I let this sit on the back-burner somemore. I have quite a few things on the handy-dandy back-burner now thanks to you, fc 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Like a few who have commented, my relationship involves a bit of both. I have rules to follow and expectations to meet, and when I fail I am punished. At the same time, Fiance doesn’t nitpick over things I can handle on my own or things he think I should handle on my own. I don’t ask for bathroom breaks, for instance (unless we’re in the middle of or about to engage in sex or a scene or a punishment). He knows I can do laundry and feed animals and all that, so I don’t have any rules or punishments about them. I have trouble with journaling every day and saying my mantra, and I have a bit of a temper, so I get punished for those failings.
    I would say that he adapted to me more than I did to him. He doesn’t like to punish me and doesn’t want to, but he accepted that I needed it when I brought it up. He holds me accountable because I asked him to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing, Leda. It does sound like he falls into the type 2 but was able to make consolations for your needs. It was probably helpful that his dominance grew around you 🙂

      Take care.


        1. Haha. I have to stop trying to reply to comments while I’m at work and only have little windows to type in. Sorry about that. You finally have something to tease me about 🙂

          In your case, your fiance is definitely a type 1 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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