The idea of accountability is one of the most polarizing topics in lifestyle D/s. In many ways, I see it as one of the great dividing lines that says a lot about a style of dominance. While accountability may not be the first thing you think of when it comes to D/s, a dominant’s views on accountability often reflect a lot in the way that lifestyle dynamics are arranged. I will try to illustrate approximations of each view in order to contrast them.
- This type of dominant wants to hold the sub accountable for anything and everything. They want to load them up with protocols, rules, and rituals, and will carefully monitor them on every front. Holding the sub accountable means they intend to punish them for failing to meet standards. It is common for subs to fantasize about this type of dominant.
- This type of dominant thinks the sub should hold themselves accountable. If an instruction or rule is given that is easy to follow, they will expect the sub to hold themselves accountable and see it through without the threat of punishment. Constant monitoring of simple things is tedious and annoying, adults should be able to adult. I know that there are a lot of dominants that feel this way about a lot of things.
In a perfect world, this wouldn’t be a problem because everyone would be able to find a dom/sub that matches their preferences and everyone lives happily ever after. Sadly, our world is far from perfect and you will find numerous cases where D/s relationships crashed and burned because they could not find a happy medium that worked for both dominant and submissive on this front.
It pretty much falls to the sub to adapt when the types don’t match up. In most cases, this doesn’t go very well.