233. An Intro to F/m – Part 3

Blah blah, follow up to Part 1 and Part 2, stuff, disclaimers, reasons.

This is the last of these I intend to write unless people have ideas for additional topics.  The intent isn’t to bring up every possible F/m scenario, but more to illustrate some of the common concepts of the lifestyle.

This last section banks heavily upon a concept that I have written about in the past and called, Progressive Escalation.  Progressive escalation is the idea that as time passes, that the intensity of D/s dynamics will increase.  Dominants will become more dominant.  Submissives will become more submissive.  What once felt like a rush becomes boring and so you push the envelope into new territory to bring back the same level of excitement.  Most of the time when you encounter a couple that practices dynamics that have you thinking, “OMG HOW COULD THEY DO THIS??? IT’S SO MEAN!”, they have been together for quite a while.  Often it takes several years for them to hit their first plateau, but the dulling of activities and desire to take things deeper gets more and more common the farther you go.

With that in mind, it’s tough to judge a couple who have been practicing D/s for 15 years through the lens of a newbie because it is impossible to see the trust, love, and connection that has developed over years.  It is impossible to know how things grew to that point without seeing the full story.  Isolated events don’t show the progression from point A to B to C to now and so on.

Don’t get me wrong, you will find accounts of things getting VERY intense.  They aren’t for the faint of heart.  They aren’t for the newbies.  What you always have to remember is that most of these dynamics are happily consensual.

You will find male subs that haven’t had an orgasm in 5 years.  If you were to ask him, he will probably tell you that he is happy, madly in love, and loves what orgasm denial does for his submission.

You will find male subs that are forced to wear women’s clothing around the house, do all of the cooking, cleaning, and chores.  They are often kept chaste and occasionally the Domme will take on another male bull who has a bigger penis and greater sexual endurance and force her sub to suck his semen from her.  The sub may be punished for even the slightest infraction.  If you were to ask him, he will probably tell you that he is happy, madly in love, and loves what this does for the relationship and his submission.

I was going to write more examples, but honestly, I think the second one encompassed like half the stuff that freaks people out at once.

Most F/m relationships still retain a level of respect.  They almost certainly maintain an intense shared love.  Both parties are often supremely happy.  There may be dynamics that make a lot of people cringe.  Humiliation and degradation don’t appeal to all.  Some may get there over time.  Others never will.

Time changes everything.  That weekly maintenance spanking may seem so huge at the start.  After a year, it probably doesn’t feel quite the same.  A lot of people also haven’t seen what a dominant, fully confident and with their sadism unleashed, is capable of evolving to over time.  That growth wouldn’t have been possible without the love, support, and submission of a loving sub.

Dommes don’t add more rules and crank up the dominance because they hate their sub.  Dommes add more rules and crank up the dominance because they love their sub and their sub loves it too.   Sometimes, it’s just not very easy to see how it got to there.


30 thoughts on “233. An Intro to F/m – Part 3

        1. Ty, fc. That is really encouraging to me! I hope I evolve fast enough to meet Daddy’s preferences though. But then again, I think he would prefer to evolve faster than me just to have the pleasure of “breaking” me all over again.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. He already leap-frogged you. I’m guessing at the start, your submissive fantasies exceeded his dominance. At some point he caught up and now his dominance exceeds your submissive desires. If he continues with this skillfully, chances are you will never catch up to him.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Couples I know who are deeply into their special relationship often up the intensity of their activities. Progressive escalation is a good term for that. Excellent explanation of how their d/s evolves over time!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Dave.
      It does seem to take on a life of its own once they get rolling in that way. That with the addition of leap-frogging can lead to some interesting choices that they may have never envisioned at the start.

      Take care.


  2. FC wow – a brilliant series of posts. As a newbie.. I try to be very open minded and non judgmental. But there are times when I think ‘why? What do they get out of it’

    I do also accept that as our relationship evolves I may find myself doing things I never thought …. basic things to some more experienced I’m sure (caning was a no – it’s moved to a try; nipple clamps and floggers were a no – they moved to a try early on’

    Equally MrH may find he is asking me to do things he never thought he would.

    Thank you so much for sharing 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, SwG.

      As things go you will find more and more things hit the “try” list. You will likely experience confusion when something caters to your submissive side even if your rational mind hates it. “I hate it but I love how it makes me feel.” Keep that phrase in mind as you will probably find yourself feeling it at least a dozen times over the next year or two.

      A lot of the deeper dynamics have rewards that are unclear. For the sub, it usually makes them feel more submissive and love more deeply. For a dominant, it frequently makes them feel more dominant, turned on, and love more deeply. You’ll find the acts that seem the most cruel often inspire the deepest love and commitment.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As a loving, sadistic, female dominant I agree with much of what you’ve written in this series and am witness to it in my own relationship. I’ve never identified with the mainstream FEMDom image and was thrilled to find myself a strong, independent submissive male. Indeed, he is often confused or assumed to be dominant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      I am glad that my writing at least somewhat matches up with your experiences. I do know it is common in a lot of cases where people have no clue that the man is a sub unless he or his partner “out” him to someone.

      Take care.


      1. I’ve had discussions about why these sorts of dynamics are less visible in the community and I simply think it’s a case of them not being as noticeable. I like to observe couples where the caring, capable, strong Female is doted on by an equally caring, capable and strong man and imagine they are D/s. They may or may not be, the point is that’s how I always imagined my relationship: two equals who can be vulnerable to and for each other.

        Liked by 1 person

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