251. Thoughts on Degradation

I find that degradation is one of the most polarizing topics in all of D/s.  There are a huge number of people that hate it.  The majority of people who crave it tend to be mostly male subs. While there are female subs as well as male and female dominants that do enjoy degradation, they tend to be the exception and not the rule.

Degradation also tends to be disproportionately represented in Femdom porn.  That is, the percentage of porn including it far outnumbers the percentage of people who actually partake in it.  That being said, those who do partake in it tend to love it and live for it.

The reasons not to do it are fairly clear.  People want to love and respect their partner.  Even if they practice D/s, there is a certain status they do not want the sub to fall below.  This seems to be as much for the dominant as it is for the submissive: they do not want to choose an inferior lover/life partner and degrading them makes it seem that way.  Degradation is also a tough pill to swallow when it comes to dominant guilt.  People don’t like the idea of making someone else feel bad, even if that bad is also good.

With that in mind, I tend to wonder why this ends up being such a hot button topic.  The people who are against degradation tend to be very vocal in their opposition of it.  When I try my best to envision their perspective and I keep coming back to the same answers.  One possibility is that they are morally opposed to it.  It can’t be both “real” and “consensual” and goes against their D/s philosophy.  The other possibility that may very well have influenced the other part is that male subs that crave degradation are also often the one-handed typists that project their fetishes onto others and may frequently contact Dommes and try to get them to engage in fetish role-play of this sort.  The end result is an absolute souring on the idea of it so that it goes beyond a “your kink is not my kink” situation and turns into a “damn, the people who want this are total douche bags,” thing.

I struggle a bit to give myself honest feelings on this topic because I have been programmed to avoid it.  Truthfully, I love the concept of status inequality.  It drives my submissive mental space wild.  It gets pushed to its maximum when it happens in both directions, e.g. when it is emphasized just how far above me that she is and it is also emphasized just how far below her that I am.  They aren’t the same thing.

If people wish to remain ethically and morally safe, it is much easier to build a dominant up and exaggerate how much more important they are than the average person.  This falls within the realm of compliments that are individualized to them and a bit of behaving as if people are not equal and it is important to treat our “betters” with respect and reverence.

Degradation falls on the other side.  It’s sort of interesting because I think that mild forms of degradation happen quite frequently.  If a dominant says, “remember your place,” it is a phrase meant to humble a sub and let them know that their words or actions are not consistent with their position.  It reminds a sub that their position is inferior and they do not carry the freedom to express themselves in the same way that ordinary people do.  I don’t think people view, “remember your place” as degrading, but that is exactly what it is.  I know a number of subs that respond favorably with their submissive mental space to this phrase.

It is a fine edge to balance upon… the concept that “I am above you and you must obey me” and “you are below me and you must obey me” are actually different things.  It seems that people tend to use them interchangeably when the implications are mild.  It goes south for many as soon as the sub starts being called a worm or a maggot and some expulsion of bodily fluids displays the dominant’s contempt (spit, urine, etc.).  Honestly, those stereotypes are such an extreme example that the actual message gets lost.

I don’t think that it is bad or wrong for a dominant to consensually define a sub’s status relative to the dominant or the sub’s place in the pecking order.  I find it quite appealing actually and erotic.  However, the concept of deciding what a sub is worth and how much value they have is incredibly degrading.  Does that make it bad?  Not inherently.  There are plenty of ways that this can lead to an enjoyable and rewarding dynamic.  I think too often the term gets equated with abuse and/or philosophical ideals that clash with the concept.


21 thoughts on “251. Thoughts on Degradation

  1. Omg thank you so much for writing this, fc! Today is my first day receiving golden showers (yes plural!) from Daddy and so I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot. I kinda love golden showers particularly they reinforce my lower status relative to my Daddy. ❤️ I really love degradation. And it really turns me on. I’m not sure why tho! *hugs* ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Miriam.
      I think one of the interesting things of accepting a lower status is that it can make what follows feel bearable or even deserved and allows the brain to flow with it rather than fight/resist it, especially when an act reinforces or perpetuates said status.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It was interesting to learn more about this and I hadn’t thought about the difference between raising the Dom/Domme and lowering the sub which makes a lot of sense. I think it is a great pity that people who you hope will understand end up judging and expressing that negatively just because it is not their thing. I am not sure quite where I sit with degradation as an idea. I sometimes will fantasise about it in a snapshot sort of way but in reality I am not sure how I would manage the actual experience of it emotionally. Looking at how I have moved forward with other things, I think that it is perhaps something that we could build up to at some point but I don’t think that mentally or emotionally I am in that place yet. You have certainly made me think more about it though which is always a good thing. Thank you 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Missy. It can get frustrating when people reject things mostly on the principle of it and won’t explore it more deeply in thought. e.g. I think for most, there is a line that when crossed it crosses from kinky to inappropriate, but few explore exactly where that line falls.

      I do believe that lowering a sub’s status is almost a necessary part of 24/7. A sub needs a way to cope with institutionalized unfairness and this is the easiest way for that to happen.
      Take care.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I agree with you. As a submissive you have to see yourself as less somehow. I guess it is all in the perception which is why the same act can mean one thing to one person and another to another.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. 🙂
          It can be a difficult balance. I think the difference between those who associate with a “strong submissive” ideal tend to champion that the inequality is created by the dominant being greater. The submissive being lesser is more appealing to many, especially in fantasy context.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I do like degridation to a point. But the thing is, the things that I like or ingrained in me for my first experience with sex so I didn’t know that when I was doing with the grading until someone told me

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Witty. I think a lot of what we experience early on forms associations and that we are often unaware of what is going on at the time.

      A lot of my sexual conditioning was done accidentally. The Domme didn’t realize that by limiting my pleasure to only happen in certain ways over a span of years, that it would change how I would respond both physically and emotionally. I think that many get introduced to degradation in a similar way. E.g. it turns us on and then gets used again and again until its pull becomes very strong.

      Take care.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I’ve always loved humiliation and degradation. For me, the appeal is as a sadist.

    We know that humiliation lights up the same parts of the brain as physical pain. And, like physical pain, humiliation has been fetishized by a group of people.

    It’s a kind of mental and emotional pain, practiced in a controlled way. That’s honestly all it is. The sub reacts to the degradation the same way he reacts to a dragon tail. The reaction is real, the energy is real, the humiliation is real, but just as the sadist wielding the dragon tail is knowledgeable and is not causing harm, the sadist wielding degradation is the same.

    I love humiliating and degrading my boys.

    But I don’t think any less of them as men because of it. There is literally no one on this planet I respect as much as my subs. When I call my sissy, a legitimate badass in his daily life, a pathetic bitch, I don’t actually think he’s beneath me. Or pathetic.

    It’s a mental flogging. I’m using my knowledge of psychology with my knowledge of him specifically to create an emotional reaction. It’s literally the same thing I do when I flog or spank him. And the art of manipulating a sub’s emotional and mental state is the basis of my brand of BDSM.

    It really is a fascinating subject, and it’s a fun tool to play with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much, Jen. I always love hearing your perspectives on things.

      This is a very thorough description and very true as well. I do wish there was more understanding on this subject as well as more people who saw how to use it and enjoy it. Especially important is what you have said about using it but having it not affect how you view them.

      I think as a whole, when people shy away from humiliation and degradation is that they don’t understand how it can work in a dynamic in a good way.

      Thank you very much.
      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay. 😊 I really appreciate you discussing these topics, I learn so much. I think those who are so adamantly against it don’t understand how it’s used and how it can enhance and benefit the scene or relationship. There are so many things within BDSM to which I would say “No thank you!” But just because it doesn’t float my boat doesn’t mean it can’t put someone else on cloud 9.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Beth.
      It is interesting that people who reject this frequently do not want to discuss or be open to how it may differ from their perceptions of it. I can definitely understand how it is not for some. I also see how it plays a very large part for others.
      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

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