286. She Has the Power to Create and Reshape Reality

My last two posts, A Pragmatic View from a single male submissive and Small Doubts seem to have gotten a bit of discussion going both in comments and via private contact.  A couple of discussions today found me wanting to elaborate more upon this and how it affects things in the D/s world in general.

One of the reasons that I don’t really understand Femdom stereotypes is that I see a Domme’s power as nearly limitless.  She has the ability to dictate reality, create definitions, and shape everything around her views.  In general, a male sub that courts a Domme cannot influence this and he must adapt to the reality that she has created.  When a Domme’s views do not line up well with a sub’s views, it isn’t a very good fit, but he still may choose to compromise himself and accept her reality.  If he disagrees, she can simply walk and move onto one of the other thousand sub men that wrote to her this week.

While there are many different views and philosophies on D/s, the only one that really matters in this process is hers.  This is the reality of the world when you are within it.

An easy example of this is the topic of blowjobs.  You may encounter Dommes that see giving oral sex to a man to be subservient and so she sees never giving oral sex as her dominant choice.  In this case, withholding oral sex is dominant.

You may encounter Dommes that see giving oral sex to a man as the ability to exert total control over his pleasure.  She can edge him, deny him, make him ache, beg, and whimper, and in the end, she has full control over whether he experiences the pleasure of an orgasm or remains stewing in a state of sexual frustration.  If she permits him to ejaculate, she can choose what happens with the semen, direct where it goes, use it to humiliate him, or whatever she can think of.  She can choose to ruin the orgasm.  She can continue to palm him after his ejaculation, causing him to writhe and thrash around in agony.  Ultimate control.  In this case, giving oral sex is dominant.

So which is true?  They are both true.  Each Domme has the power to decide how dominance is defined and what is dominant in her world.

Another example is eye contact. One Domme may wish to peer directly into her sub’s eyes, watch his reactions, and look into his soul.  Another Domme may prohibit any kind of eye contact from her sub and punish him if he looks her in the eyes.  What dominance is, is her choice.

This is one of the great perks that Dommes may enjoy in this lifestyle that no one else gets to.  Male dominants cannot exert this kind of control as submissive women still hold considerable leverage during the courting phase.  Unless the population ratio shifts so dramatically that Dommes begin to outnumber male subs or the ratio becomes close to 1:1, this is a privilege that will likely continue.


10 thoughts on “286. She Has the Power to Create and Reshape Reality

  1. I do love reading your thoughts… I wonder however, if this power remains the same in those pre-existing relationships that transition into F/m … He has the advantage of knowing the relationship is solid at the start…. What do you think? Would this situation be more mutually created do you think?
    I also had another thought recently… (Don’t have many)… In my old job as a credit controller I would often make calls to men asking them to pay their bills… One of the most effective methods as being very teasing and flirty…. I used to tell them that if they didn’t pay on time I would put on my black stilletto boots and leathers, and visit with my whip to ‘make’ them pay up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, SwG. The power does remain the same in pre-existing relationships that go F/m. She has the option of calling D/s off at any time. From the blogs I have read of this type, in most cases the wives discover his submissive desires and feel absolutely betrayed and deceived because he had these desires since before they were married. They often feel like this man is a stranger who has been lying to them for years, pulling a bait & switch, and this was not the man that they chose to be with. It doesn’t help that they often discover his desires by checking browser history or noticing strange behaviors that make them think he is cheating. In the cases where the man does “tell her,” it is usually in the form of some kind of note or leaving the browser open on her computer with a Femdom website on the screen. This causes a harsh recoil where she chooses what she wants, always with the specter of calling D/s off as an option. He will accept this, just happy that she is trying it and didn’t divorce him.

      There are a small number of these where things end up going really well with a happy sharing of mutual desires, but the majority do not.

      As for your work experiences, a huge number of men have that kind of fantasy 🙂

      Take care.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Damn it pressed send by accident!
    More often than not I would be met with enthusiastic responses of well ‘mistress’ I may not pay up to see that. It made me think that maybe male submission is quite a popular fantasy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, DomIP. That is basically how it goes at the negotiating table. Fit can be pretty one-sided. Once more serious feelings get involved, things may shift a little bit, but for the most part, this is the reality of things at the start.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s