295. Functional Roleplay – Fake It Till Ya Make It

Submissy’s post on roleplay today inspired some thoughts.

I have known a number of people who are very anti-roleplay.  They see it as fake.  False.  Pretend.  Impure.  Pure fantasy.  Catering to the wrong desires.  Etc.

I get it, but I don’t get it.  You don’t truly know something until you have experienced it.  You have no true frame of reference.  You may have inklings, feelings, or instincts.  You don’t really know.

Most submissives have years and years of fantasies behind them before they ever enter the lifestyle.  Dominants frequently do not have this luxury.  The process of maturing tends to teach us how to be unselfish, generous, forgiving, and patient.  Behaving contrary to those ideas is treated negatively.  Even someone who easily embraces dominance, they still have years of conditioning about how they should and shouldn’t be.

This is especially imposing to newer dominants.  They turn to references to get an idea of how they are “supposed” to be.  In F/m this often intimidates and leads to extremely negative reactions against the stereotypes (that only really exist in porn).

This also leads to a lot of blindly fumbling around.  Uncertainty.  Insecurity.  Fear.  Hesitation.  I don’t know what I am supposed to be like… I don’t know what is okay to be like.  In the times when I have mentored newer dominants, I openly encourage them to use roleplay as a learning tool.  Use it to gain experiences and create reference points for what they like and don’t like.

An example is something like this:

Imagine you are the Queen (and there is no King).  You are the supreme ruler.  You exist in a state of pampered luxury with servants tending to your every need.  Anything that you want is at your finger-tips.  You may order anyone to do anything.  No one may defy you.  If someone displeases you there may be consequences.  You are the law.  There are rituals and protocols about how people must interact with you.  They revere you.  They respect you.  They fear you.  This is your entitlement and right.

In 99% of cases, this is a completely foreign experience.  It requires imagination to fully grasp it, use it, and enjoy it.  Even those in high level managerial positions have accountability and consequences.  Someone can get accustomed to behaving in this way, but the first time?  You could choose to play it by feel… asking for reassurances… is this okay?  Is that okay?  Can I ask for this?  Or you could choose to fake it.  If I had lived this way my whole life… what would I act like?

So you fake it.  You behave in a way that is not you.  It is someone else.  You pretend it is you.  You gain experience.  You gather your feelings and reactions.  You learn.  You see what you like.  You make mental notes.  You start to enjoy yourself.  You start to feel it.

You fake it until it becomes real.

You don’t know until you try.  I see tremendous value in this.  False confidence can become real.  Pretend attitudes can become real. Good stuff.

4 thoughts on “295. Functional Roleplay – Fake It Till Ya Make It

  1. Thank you for expanding on this topic fc. I have found some of the same negative comments about roleplay in the past and have felt like it was viewed by the ‘purists’ as the poor relation of BDSM play. However, that said, I do not agree. I think it is about perception and about how honest you are. Whether you go as far as actually feeling you are playing a role, we all find ourselves in situations where we tap into what we think is required for that situation sort of wing it until it feels more comfortable.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Missy. I think a lot of times purists get snobby because they don’t want to remember how they stumbled out of the gate. Everything was new and awkward at some point and I think it is unfair to write off something that people can use for courage or exploration. Hell, I can even pretend to be confident 🙂

      Take care.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think there is much to be said for it…. Even in my vanilla life I enjoyed role play, the flirty french maid (usually) ooo-la-la … But MrH would just enjoy the outfits and show … I’m hoping that when we crack the door again MrH will be the lead player now 😁 and I agree FC that role play is one of the best ways to get comfortable doing things outside your comfort zone…

    Liked by 1 person

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