I’ve been blogging for a long time now about D/s, starting my first blog over at blogger back in March of 2010. I was fortunate enough to have come in during a very good blogging generation.
I use the term blogging generation for a cycle of similarly themed bloggers that find each other and interact during a certain time frame. These are usually new bloggers but there are also those who get inspired from the new interactions and it leads to a spike in their activity. e.g. If someone averaged 1 post per month and all of a sudden starts making 3-5 posts per week, I would count that increase as part of that generation.
The current cycle for a generation seems to be people who start within a 2-4 month span and keep it up for 6-8 months. More than half will not make it past the 6-8 month mark. This is hard on those that remain because the network of people you relied upon to keep the discussions going and the ideas flowing slowly fade away one by one.
I launched this version of my blog in March of 2017 and I can say that we are on the tail end of the 2nd generation since I began here. A 3rd generation has started up following the new year but has not yet found its legs.
I was fortunate enough to have begun my blogging back in 2010 during a very prolific generation of Femdom bloggers. There were 8-10 of us that bonded quite tightly and a group of ~14 had regular interactions that fueled post after post. It was common to see a certain topic show up on one blog and have at least 3 or 4 others write on it within a week or two. After two years there were 6 of us left but it remained so strongly intact that people from the successive generations found their way in.
Unfortunately nothing is permanent and the numbers began to dwindle. For every two that would leave, only one took their place. I took a break and made a total of 12 posts from 2013-2015. I returned in 2016 to find that only two remained, one from my generation and one from the next generation that made their way in. It wasn’t just that there were so few left, but during my down time Google had announced they would be enacting new anti-adult themed rules to blogs. I remember thinking I didn’t care and that they could delete me if they wanted to. They retracted the plans a couple of weeks later but the damage had been done. Not only were my old blogging friends gone, but they had taken down their blogs so they were lost to everyone. I came back to find 40% of the blogs I followed either completely removed or set to private.
I know for certain at least two of the bloggers died (one of them was local to me and we had become friends). I fear that two others died as well but have no way of verifying it. I felt the blogger.com community beginning to unravel. They made another change trying to “encourage” google plus but not requiring it. The subsequent change removed the ability to find someone’s blog from a comment that they left. This seemed to kill everything. Another blogger passed on in 2017. They weren’t someone I was close to, but they were part of my generation and always had the “pulse” of the Femdom D/s blogging community (primarily F/m but they also collected the stronger and well-written M/f blogs). If you clicked on their profile you could see the blogs they followed and they somehow managed to find pretty much every new Femdom blog within 7 days of its creation. He did this from 2010-2017. He deleted his account a week after announcing he had 1-2 months to live.
Why am I writing about this now? I had a recent email conversation with a reader and I’m just reflecting on the thought that I had never felt so in tune with others in D/s than I did from 2010 to 2012. Our group was the first movement I can recall in Femdom that really talked about the Consensual Non-consent lifestyle before CNC even really existed as a term. That was our view of D/s. If you loved her you would submit with your all and she would wield absolute authority, using her love as the morality that governed the safe “limits” of what was done. It was a beautiful mix of kink and strict cruelty with the underlying theme of an intimate and loving relationship that made both parties happy as can be.
I feel a bit sad about how polarized things feel now. It almost feels like politics. Extreme ends of the spectrum refusing to budge based upon whatever fucking reason they decide upon and so few people that embrace the middle ground that tends to be closer to how people as a whole actually feel. The current movements are not ones that I feel like I can relate to.
What you will find is that the new voices that enter most commonly echo the popular belief of the community at that time. The less diverse the voices are that serve as an example for the next generation, the fewer differing views you will find a couple of years down the line. To be honest, I don’t really lament the outcome as much as what I lost. I miss the back and forths with those old friends more than the changes in a world that arose due to the absence of their voices.
Is there a point in all of this? Not really. If I had to make one, I would encourage those who have a group of bloggers that feel like a community to keep encouraging them and let them know when they write something that resonates with you. So much of what we think about and write is inspired by the words of others.
If I could go back and change one thing, it would be to have used a different color scheme and title for my original blog. I didn’t anticipate the prejudices and animosity that I would face down the road because of it. I never anticipated that 75% of the community would ignore me because of it, afraid to leave a paper trail even if they read something they enjoyed and agreed with. On the upside, I knew that the people who still chose to interact with me didn’t care about that. It made me absolutely certain that they just enjoyed me for my words and my thoughts. There was a certain security in that, but it became so isolating after they disappeared one by one.
Oh well. These are just some random thoughts at 3am.