309. Why sadists fascinate me

Working on the third arc of fs02 has reminded me of something.  I am absolutely fascinated by sadistic women.  It’s not that sadism fascinates me, I accept that it exists along with masochism.

What intrigues me are the people that acknowledge that they are sadists.  I’m probably going to struggle expressing the root of this but I will do my best.  When you think about submissives, there are the people who have a submissive (adjective) vanilla personality and are submissives (noun).  They make absolute sense.  There are also the people who have a confident or even dominant (adjective) vanilla personality and are submissive (noun).  While this type may puzzle some, it’s pretty much the norm in lifestyle F/m and becomes a lot easier to understand if you look at being a submissive as a sexual orientation.

Basically, I assume that a person’s public personality and their D/s role are independent of one another.

When you look at a sadistic Domme, it’s easy to envision part of her at a time.  It becomes very difficult to envision all of her at once.  There is a side of her that gets off on inflicting suffering.  However, this drive to inflict suffering doesn’t make her stop loving her sub.  In those moments there must be (at least) two streams of thoughts.

  1. The desire to see them squirm, scream, whimper, ache, or whatever.
  2. The desire to keep the same, stay within acceptable limits, and so on.

When I immerse into my submissive mental space, everything else sort of falls away.  While some acts may make me outwardly focused and others force my focus inward, I feel more like my thought stream works in binary way.  Submission is on or off.  Depending upon the position of that switch I will have one stream of consciousness or another.  When I get completely absorbed in one, I cannot be the other.

I guess I just have trouble envisioning the parallel streams of consciousness that must exist in a sadist.  From my experiences, when they exist in their dominant mental space they will aroused both by inflicting suffering but also by romantic gestures and displays of love and adoration.  There must be both a harsh side and a tender side working simultaneously.  I have to wonder if they struggle for power or if they work in harmony with one another.

Also in my experiences I have seen an abrupt change in the consciousness that is “at the wheel.”  After I had just spent 45 minutes screaming and thrashing around while chained to a bed, she removed my gag and my first words were, “I love you.”  It surprised me when she broke down in tears and spooned with me for an hour.  That was my first glimpse into it.

That was over 10 years ago and I’m still fascinated.

I don’t know.  These are just some random thoughts.

13 thoughts on “309. Why sadists fascinate me

  1. It’s because I love him I enjoy causing him pain. Part of me says how dare he make me love him, how dare he make me care about him, and because part of me feels this way I want to hurt him. But then my craving and need of him causes me pain. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am sure that sometimes there is. I know that the nurturing instinct on a biological level tends to be stronger in women. I think that I end up reading more about it with women.


        1. It gets complicated to try and analyze it. I believe it is a higher percentage of male subs that desire a woman who doesn’t have love or compassion in her. The only times I tend to read about a sub being with a sadist who does not have love/compassion, it tends to be in M/f. That being said, I read of many encounters with sadists that DO have love/compassion, written from both genders. I’m not sure if my lack of encounters with it in F/m are more skewed by the fact that there are just far more M/f writers out there and that leads to a greater chance of finding outliers.


  2. This is a fascinating topic, a bit on the dark side, so one should step in carefully. Everyone reading this blog knows that sadistic women are very alluring but one needs to ask a question: how much sadism is to much? I’ve just read the old post from Lady Grey’s blog (Woman in Control, entry from August 25th 2011: “Embracing the inner sadist”) and a discussion which followed – very interesting staff indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Peter. The “too much” sadism is an interesting idea in itself because it floats based upon what the sub can handle and or desires. Most of the time people get up in arms when sadism exceeds what they can conceptualize someone being okay with. What I have learned is that “too much” only happens when it is so much that it makes a sub truly unhappy (and not unhappy that triggers subspace).


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