I’m really going to go out of my way to keep this from spiraling into a rant. That probably means it will be significantly shorter than my original attempt at this.
In the past week or so a newer Domme friend of mine has asked me to help screen through the subs that are writing to her on Fetlife. She isn’t showing me the messages, just giving me usernames or profile links. I’m actually quite flattered at this request. “Look for someone that is similar to you.”
The ones I am sent to are the subs that passed the original screening test. As I go through them I am helping her to spot potential red flags. I can only imagine how time consuming this must be for Dommes. There are only so many hours in the day. There are only so many leads that can be followed. Really, when you think about it, if a Domme spends 5 minutes investigating 30 subs, that is 2.5 hours worth of time. I believe this is why Dommes quickly develop a dismissive attitude after a short while of searching. They would rather devote 50 minutes each to the 3 that show potential as a good fit than any time at all to the 27 that aren’t.
I have used various online kink hookup sites in the past. I would look at other sub male profiles to “scout the competition.” There were times when I would stumble across them and think, “wow, that’s a great profile.” After a while, I realized something: There is no one right way to make a great profile, but there are dozens of ways to make a bad one.
In reality, there are no truly bad profiles, but chances are if you are a sub male with a profile and want contact from people other than web scams and findommes, you will have to be the one sending out messages. In these cases, bad is measured by the person who is reading it. If you are looking for a casual play partner, then writing to a Domme interested in a 24/7 FLR probably isn’t a good fit.
As I don’t want this to turn into a rant, I am simply going to list things that can break a profile. If you would like me to elaborate on one or more of these in the comments or a future post, feel free to let me know.
- Username choice.
- Primary profile pic choice (and to a lesser extent, secondaries).
- Self-portrayal in your written profile.
- Your activity history (loves, comments, posts, etc.).
- The people you choose to friend/follow.
Sometimes I wonder why people don’t give more care to their profile or realize the paper trail it provides. What I have found is that the special ones just pop out and jump off of the page. These are the types of people where you read their profile and it makes you want to know more because you cannot immediately file them into some category. These tend to be so obvious and feel so different from the rest. Even if they aren’t a good fit, they are usually interesting people.
On the other side of the coin is when I have seen people try to portray themselves as if they are perfect. The majority of the time it reads almost like it was copied and pasted from a guide book or like a stream of empty pillow talk. This is a big no no because even if they do manage to fool someone with it, is it possible to keep up the charade forever?
Overall, I am finding it to be a moderately good time helping in this process.
(Wow, I finished this with only 4% rant content)