I am still digging through my brain and trying to solve the mystery upon certain Femdom philosophies that I really do not understand very well. Part of capturing a perspective is not by simply stating the words, but digging deeper to find the underlying thought process, experiences, and outlooks that shape that philosophy into what it is. This is not always an easy task. Realistic extrapolation becomes your friend.
A lot of times a person’s early experiences greatly skew their current perspectives. A strong negative experience can create backlash when faced with situations that share similar details. In other cases you will find there is no underlying process and people’s basic philosophies mirror the words of mentors, teachers, or guides they were exposed to early on.
Something that a lot of people miss is that there is a constant influx of new Dommes entering the lifestyle. These Dommes provide a large percentage of the “available dominants” that are out there since when both Domme and sub find a functional and happy equilibrium lifestyle they tend to sustain it. The Dommes who have dismissed their subs, had a relationship end, or lost a sub due to life circumstances or health/death are the other percentage.
Newer Dommes learn from the resources that are available when they enter. This is often a mish-mash of online resources and guides, printed books/manuals, social media groups, and blogs. What you will find is that newer Dommes often reflect the most visible views of the time. As people don’t stay newbies forever, these visible views often become the common views.
What I notice is that the community is gravitating towards extremes. It’s being polarized. On one side you have a small group who enjoy the extreme situations and an aggressively sadistic lifestyle. On the other side you have a large group who have recoiled from that, favoring subtlety, principles over actions, and in many ways, downplaying kink and sadism quite a bit. To me it looks a lot like a world where you have two choices of music: Acoustic folk ballads or black metal. People rarely embrace extremes unless they see them as the only options. The concept of extremes runs contrary to the idea of the bell curve. I tend to think that free from polarized influences, most people fall somewhere in between the extreme ends. e.g. 75% of people would fall in the “middle” 75%.
I find this to be a little bit dangerous because of the way that it limits us. When words become dogma people stop thinking about them and merely accept them. It’s easy to change, refine, and revise ideas… and difficult to change, refine, or revise beliefs once they have been committed to.
I guess that I’m getting at is that it frightens me a bit when I encounter people and cannot understand their process of how they reached their beliefs. Did these come about due to experiences and lessons learned? Or because someone said this is how it is?