420. Thoughts on dominant philosophies

I am still digging through my brain and trying to solve the mystery upon certain Femdom philosophies that I really do not understand very well.  Part of capturing a perspective is not by simply stating the words, but digging deeper to find the underlying thought process, experiences, and outlooks that shape that philosophy into what it is.  This is not always an easy task.  Realistic extrapolation becomes your friend.

A lot of times a person’s early experiences greatly skew their current perspectives.  A strong negative experience can create backlash when faced with situations that share similar details.  In other cases you will find there is no underlying process and people’s basic philosophies mirror the words of mentors, teachers, or guides they were exposed to early on.

Something that a lot of people miss is that there is a constant influx of new Dommes entering the lifestyle.  These Dommes provide a large percentage of the “available dominants” that are out there since when both Domme and sub find a functional and happy equilibrium lifestyle they tend to sustain it.  The Dommes who have dismissed their subs, had a relationship end, or lost a sub due to life circumstances or health/death are the other percentage.

Newer Dommes learn from the resources that are available when they enter.  This is often a mish-mash of online resources and guides, printed books/manuals, social media groups, and blogs.  What you will find is that newer Dommes often reflect the most visible views of the time.  As people don’t stay newbies forever, these visible views often become the common views.

What I notice is that the community is gravitating towards extremes.  It’s being polarized.  On one side you have a small group who enjoy the extreme situations and an aggressively sadistic lifestyle.  On the other side you have a large group who have recoiled from that, favoring subtlety, principles over actions, and in many ways, downplaying kink and sadism quite a bit.  To me it looks a lot like a world where you have two choices of music:  Acoustic folk ballads or black metal.  People rarely embrace extremes unless they see them as the only options.  The concept of extremes runs contrary to the idea of the bell curve.  I tend to think that free from polarized influences, most people fall somewhere in between the extreme ends.  e.g. 75% of people would fall in the “middle” 75%.

I find this to be a little bit dangerous because of the way that it limits us.  When words become dogma people stop thinking about them and merely accept them.  It’s easy to change, refine, and revise ideas… and difficult to change, refine, or revise beliefs once they have been committed to.

I guess that I’m getting at is that it frightens me a bit when I encounter people and cannot understand their process of how they reached their beliefs.  Did these come about due to experiences and lessons learned?  Or because someone said this is how it is?

7 thoughts on “420. Thoughts on dominant philosophies

  1. I’m all about experiences. I like to pick apart what I have experienced, not experienced etc and use that. I haven’t found any Dommes to look up to since I don’t see anyone who inspires me. I fully admit to being at the acoustic folk music end of the spectrum. However, I am still very much early days and fully expect to push things with the right submissive. I’ll be disappointed if I never advance. Pushing boundaries is important, when something becomes the norm, look for the next extreme.

    I have my own agenda, my own moral code, my own wants and needs and, for now at least and until I am more immersed and have more experience, I think I’m going to stick to that. There’s not really a lot I can do until I am more hands on. Certainly, I think, I am getting more instructional and useful information from the submissive blogs I follow. It caters for my love of submission psychology. That said I haven’t really examined too closely what causes me to be turned on by these subtler kinks. I guess that’s another analysis for another day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, DomIP. Based upon our conversations I actually think you are closer to the black metal end of the spectrum 🙂

      The subtler end of things tends to involve far less active dominance and more a “this is how it is” idea.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha. I love how you often see me completely differently to how I see myself. The good thing about this, is that it makes me look at myself differently which can only be a good thing!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. 🙂
          A lot of it has to do with the aspects you wish to control. The “folk ballad” side of things tends to favor subs controlling themselves within a known set of expectations and stating expectations is the dominance. The “black metal” side is closer to driving a sub to compliance by consequences, forced restraint, pain, fear, or suffering. e.g. A Domme orders a sub not to touch themselves without permission and uses trust and devotion as the motivator vs. a Domme that wants to lock them up in chastity because she enjoys exerting that control.

          I think most people fall somewhere in between but probably lean more heavily towards one side or the other.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Fur, thank you for posting.
    As usual I feel you are correct in your assessment of new Dom’s.
    For me when I first started I had no idea about the extent of the topic. I did as you said, went on line and started reading and viewing web pages and sites.
    Now I believe after 5 years of Femdom my style is a little different then a lot of normal D/s relationships. But none the less of a Woman in complete control of a male, including everything, period.
    I feel a lot has to do with your general existence situation. Like are you married, do you have kids, do you ever have privacy, etc?
    If I did not have kids, grand kids, family over always I would be way more openly Femdom because he could service me at my whim, not just when we have the chance to be alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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