422. An Intro to F/m – Part 12

These posts are targeted at people who are new to F/m, including those with experience in M/f who have not seen the other side of things.

Previous Intro to F/m Posts

Another common aspect in F/m that is far less common in M/f is a recurring theme of “forced.”  Forced chastity.  Forced feminization.  Forced bi.  Forced servitude.  The list goes on and on.

I can understand why this would be puzzling to an outside view.  If a sub wants to do something, or even is willing to do something, why does it have to be forced?  Forced implies that they don’t want to do something and if they truly don’t want to do something, does that violate consent protocols?

To get to the roots of these answers it is critical to understand the gender identity of the average male and how masculinity fits into their psyche.  Men grow up in an environment where a baseline level of macho behavior is required to fit in.  Fail to display it and you will be attacked.  Over years, this creates a certain sense of how a man has to behave in order to blend in with peers.  It also forces anything that defies the conventions to be buried as a deep dark secret within  a male.  When a man desires something that breaks these conventions, choosing it by his own free will creates a destructively conflicted sense of cognitive dissonance.  That is, desiring something unconventional severely damages his masculine identity often leading to a spiral of self-loathing.

When a woman “forces” a man to do something, it removes the choice and thus grants him permission to do it.  Psychologically this creates a cushion: I’m not doing it because I want it, I’m doing it because she is making me do it.  In this way, the male’s psyche remains intact while performing an unconventional act.

It may be difficult for a woman to understand some of these aspects because their gender identities don’t tend to affect them in the same way.  If a woman wishes to wear a pair of men’s pants and a men’s shirt, it might not fit in a flattering way, but no one will really bat an eye.  Comparatively, if a man wishes to wear a women’s skirt and blouse, he feels like a cross-dressing deviant that will be the focus of scorn and ridicule and this can be devastating to his sense of self.  In many cases, when a man desires something that falls outside of conventionally male interests, he tends to face scorn from both male and female peers.

This is also at the root of why there are far less “forced” fetishes in M/f.  By and large, women have a lot more freedom to do what they want to do.  e.g. if a woman wants to be submissive, no one bats an eye.  While a woman may face peer pressure, she can make her choices and still be accepted by a large number of people.  If she is rejected by women, she will still get attention from men.  If men disagree with it, she will likely be supported by other women.  This allows for a woman to pursue her choices without the lingering shame and guilt that serve as the catalysts for fetish development in men.  When she doesn’t have to keep it a secret or fear judgment and rejection, she can enjoy her choices and there is no need for the psychological cushion of a “forced” situation.  Thus, a female submissive can choose to want something without needing to feel forced to ease her conscience.

10 thoughts on “422. An Intro to F/m – Part 12

  1. I’d never thought about it like that. I wonder how much truth there is in that..

    I do like the ‘real’ when it comes to things : – my collar is locked on 24/7 and I cant remove it without a special key that I don’t have any access too, I can’t change the settings on my computer (designed to limit time and content to make me more productive), I have spent ages fettling my chastity device so it’s nigh on impossible to get off (although I did recently discover how easy those little brass magilocks are to pick open, so that needs some thought), bondage had to be done properly (no getting free unless released!) – all those kinds of things.. I now wonder how much of that is rooted in what you talk about..

    I am going to explore this more for sure 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Charlie.
      I did write about that need for “real” a few posts ago as well. Real definitely shoves the brain into another place.

      A lot of times when forced comes into play, I feel it’s because there are things that we know we want to do or should do, but wouldn’t do it left to our own devices. It’s strange how that works and how easily the brain can accept it when it feels like there isn’t a choice.


  2. Hi furcissy,

    I found this because you followed my own blog. I’ll reciprocate because this is an excellent article about a very complex subject. I’ll look forward to exploring this series and other posts.

    I have a draft post on my own blog on exactly this theme of what does being ‘forced’ actually mean. In addition to your great explanation here I see two more elements. The first is just another way of describing what you call a cushion. My description uses the word ‘absolution’. That is the female / domme absolves the male of the acts he is conditioned to believe are sins against his role and male society.

    The other thing I would add is that this ‘forced’ environment is about safety. The female provides a safe environment for these activities. Physical safety and mental safety. I’ve seen people worked up in to a frenzy because they think that the only way to test if they are gay or bi is to visit the local glory hole. The female can provide all the mental frisson in a safe environment where he’s not going to get beaten up for backing out and doesn’t have to worry about an STD.

    Looking at the article titles on the right, I think I could spend quite some time here.

    melody xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, melody.
      I do like the term absolution.

      That is an interesting observation about safety. I completely agree with you in an idealized sense that it is often safer than letting a frenzied sub venture out on their own. I have seen a few situations where a Domme didn’t exercise enough caution, but these are probably in the minority of cases.

      Take care.


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