431. Thoughts on Self-Love and D/s Part 2

This is a follow-up post to 428. Thoughts on Self-Love and D/s

While the self-love aspect that intrigued me the most had to do with the extreme ends of dominance and submission, I have found that there are many implications for less extreme cases as well.  It also helped me understand more about my own submission.

I have on occasion been told that my submission is unique.  I tend to shy away from believing this because I don’t think of it as being anything special.  What I do find is that when I speak with other subs, I do find that my views on submission differ quite greatly from others.  It’s like there is a fundamental difference in our views that often block understanding.

Because I do not love myself, I do not feel like I deserve anything.  I feel like I must earn everything.  I have to give something up to get something back.  I have to offer up everything in order to be chosen.  This makes the way that I submit be rather intense and encompassing.  I cannot be abused because being mistreated feels normal.  I have to be willing to endure anything and everything.

When I am chosen, I love with all of myself, for she has given me purpose and meaning to my life.  She is my savior and reason for being.  She is the creator and destroyer of my world, my self, and my identity.  I would do (nearly) anything for her.  While people might think this is too much, what she gives me in return is priceless.

Many subs that I encounter won’t give themselves up in that way.  They refuse.  They don’t want to.  They can’t fathom it.  They look at what I choose to do and think it’s crazy to be that vulnerable.  Until today, I would struggle to understand why they wouldn’t submit like that.  Today it makes more sense.  They love themselves.  They deserve to have their needs met.  They deserve to feel safe.  They have rights.  When they give and receive it is an exchange and not a condition. They have worth.

It’s obvious now that is the difference.  I do not feel the way that they do.

I know others where their level of self-love waxes and wanes.  There are times and environments where they feel it strongly and times where it leaves them.  I can relate a lot more strongly with these types because they know what it is like to not feel self-love.  However, this is temporary and they inevitably have it return and allow them to better their stations in life.

I also wanted to talk about how this pertains to other Dommes.  In the other post I took an extreme case of self-assuredness and total self-love.  Most of the Dommes I have met are not quite there.  They still have doubts and fears that haunt them.  There are times where their self-love rises and falls.  It peaks when they feel dominant and bottoms out when they feel weaker or vulnerable.  Honestly, I think this is fairly normal when it comes to moods.  I believe the Dommes that are mostly unshakeable are the rarity.

Again, maybe a lot of this is obvious to others, but seeing it in these simple terms has helped me to understand a lot more that I was somehow blind to before.


8 thoughts on “431. Thoughts on Self-Love and D/s Part 2

  1. Very good insight here fc

    I also like how you included those Dommes for whom self love waxes and wanes. That’s me, as you know. Currently I’m feeling the love (of self) and it’s empowering and lends itself to a sense of entitlement-that elusive entitlement that’s been out of my grasp for so long. So I’m riding the wave and enjoying the moment because I know there will come the period of waning. The self doubts will return and with it the entitlement and empowerment will be diminished again.

    Anyway thanks for another great post. I enjoyed it. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, SG.
      I figured I should probably include the majority. I think ideally, dynamics can be found during the uptimes that can carry over into the downtimes. The more you can find ways to represent the empowered entitlement, the easier it is feel it at your core. That provides healing and should lessen the frequency of and shorten the duration of downtimes.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Another perfect example of how open-minded you are to other people’s lifestyles. Those light bulb moments are great, I get them too.

    I totally get your kind of submission, because of fleeting glimpses I have had of being in relationships where I felt no self worth. I can also understand those submissives who cannot give like you do. And it’s simply because they do not feel in the same way as you, and they don’t have the life experiences that put you where you are.

    The same for Dommes. I am that self assured because that’s always been my natural state of mind. I can also imagine why Dommes might not feel that self assured, because I have been there. The beauty of it all is the diversity of those levels and the ability we have to be able to understand other people’s situations even if we don’t entirely get it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, DomIP.
      I really enjoy understanding other perspectives. This was a topic that I really danced around a lot before finally finding the lynch pin.

      I believe that the states on either end (zero self-love or absolute self-love) are places that take years to reach. That, in turn, makes both of them places that can’t be gotten into or out of very easily.
      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is very interesting and I think I can understand both sides.

    When I first encountered the person who would be my mistress for several years I was full of the doubts about being worthy and of interest to her. I know it fed various needs and compulsions to try to find what more I could offer of myself to keep her interest.

    That was also driven by the fact that I knew that there were many more subs out there clamouring to be owned. They all seemed much more worthy and interesting than I was.

    What helped me change my outlook was the fact that as a well-known mistress she constantly had subs chasing her and many trying to convince her that they would be a much better personal sub than I was.

    Eventually it dawned that what she valued in me was simply me, no one else could give her that.

    In terms of this post, you might say that this is where I learned I could love myself and it was triggered by someone loving me

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing. Being chosen definitely gives a large boost to subs. There is always a reason you were chosen ahead of others. I am glad that you were able to find self-love in that way.


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