This is a follow-up post to 428. Thoughts on Self-Love and D/s
While the self-love aspect that intrigued me the most had to do with the extreme ends of dominance and submission, I have found that there are many implications for less extreme cases as well. It also helped me understand more about my own submission.
I have on occasion been told that my submission is unique. I tend to shy away from believing this because I don’t think of it as being anything special. What I do find is that when I speak with other subs, I do find that my views on submission differ quite greatly from others. It’s like there is a fundamental difference in our views that often block understanding.
Because I do not love myself, I do not feel like I deserve anything. I feel like I must earn everything. I have to give something up to get something back. I have to offer up everything in order to be chosen. This makes the way that I submit be rather intense and encompassing. I cannot be abused because being mistreated feels normal. I have to be willing to endure anything and everything.
When I am chosen, I love with all of myself, for she has given me purpose and meaning to my life. She is my savior and reason for being. She is the creator and destroyer of my world, my self, and my identity. I would do (nearly) anything for her. While people might think this is too much, what she gives me in return is priceless.
Many subs that I encounter won’t give themselves up in that way. They refuse. They don’t want to. They can’t fathom it. They look at what I choose to do and think it’s crazy to be that vulnerable. Until today, I would struggle to understand why they wouldn’t submit like that. Today it makes more sense. They love themselves. They deserve to have their needs met. They deserve to feel safe. They have rights. When they give and receive it is an exchange and not a condition. They have worth.
It’s obvious now that is the difference. I do not feel the way that they do.
I know others where their level of self-love waxes and wanes. There are times and environments where they feel it strongly and times where it leaves them. I can relate a lot more strongly with these types because they know what it is like to not feel self-love. However, this is temporary and they inevitably have it return and allow them to better their stations in life.
I also wanted to talk about how this pertains to other Dommes. In the other post I took an extreme case of self-assuredness and total self-love. Most of the Dommes I have met are not quite there. They still have doubts and fears that haunt them. There are times where their self-love rises and falls. It peaks when they feel dominant and bottoms out when they feel weaker or vulnerable. Honestly, I think this is fairly normal when it comes to moods. I believe the Dommes that are mostly unshakeable are the rarity.
Again, maybe a lot of this is obvious to others, but seeing it in these simple terms has helped me to understand a lot more that I was somehow blind to before.