A recent conversation with a friend got me thinking about proactive behavior from the sub in a D/s relationship.
This topic is a little bit polarizing in that you will find Dommes that tend to fall on rather extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to proactive behavior from their subs. On one end, you have Dommes that want subs to be constantly working on ways to make them happy, turn them on, and enhance their life in some way. This generally requires the sub to do things without being asked to do them and they often put more value upon the actions when they occur unsolicited.
On the other end, you will find Dommes that do not want their subs to act with any form of independence. They want their subs obedient, docile, and ready to respond to any command or expectation presented to them.
The big separating point seems to be what aspect of dominance appeals to them the most. The first type tends to thrive in a “make me feel important” type of role. The second may be drawn more towards the idea of “I am in control of you.”
Neither outlook is more right or wrong than the other, but I do think the Domme’s philosophy on this topic is incredibly important when evaluating fit. Subs will often tip their own view of submission in their vocabulary. A sub that talks about wanting to do whatever they are told matches up better with the Domme type that seeks control. A sub that talks about wanting to do whatever it takes to make the Domme feel loved and cherished is more likely to be the proactive type.
When these ideas don’t match up very well, it is unlikely that it will be fulfilling for either party. Although, I should add, there are subs that are capable of being both types, but generally the proactive side is the one that they make apparent.