For me, D/s is not in my present. It is in my future. With that in mind, I still see my life as being built around D/s. I see the self that I portray here as my real self and the rest of my life as an act that I perform while I wait for the future to take hold. I am a submissive and my vanilla vanilla life is pretend.
Through D/s I look for connection and a lifestyle. I seek the woman that I love with all of myself. Someone to laugh with. Someone to cry with. Someone that I can show all of myself to without restraint. Someone with thoughts and feelings that resonate with my own. I will love her as my everything. I will need her approval, her happiness, and the warmth of her embrace like I need air to breathe.
There is a lifestyle that I seek to build with her. I want her to be the most important thing in our world. I want my existence to facilitate her happiness, her joy, her pleasure, her satisfaction, and her ultimate fulfillment. This is the D/s that I seek and I want these ideas to govern our lives.
I empower her over me. Completely. I accept any methods she may employ to keep our philosophy a reality. I want to be perfect for her. I will fail but I graciously accept her efforts to drive me to perfection. Making me perfect for her is a tremendous favor to me. It will make sure that I can earn her love is kindness.
My submission seeks a loving sadist. While I do not crave pain, a sadist will unlock my submissive potential. She will take pleasure in ensuring that I may earn her love. She will drive me hard, push me deep, and appreciate what I offer to her. I want to give her my everything so that she needs only me to be happy.
I seek to live in my submissive mental space. This is where I am at my best. This is where I am the happiest. It is my peaceful place. It is where I have the most love to give. I like to believe that the one I love will grant me this place. It is here where I know that I am hers. I want her to possess me entirely.
I enter this space through cruelty and suffering. There is no place I would rather be. I like to believe that the one for me will want to keep me there, both to ensure her happiness and to grant me mine. It won’t be a chore for her, it will feel like her true calling.
This is the life that I seek… where I cannot think in terms that are not focused around her. I will exist for her.
I don’t want to jump the gun like I did a couple of weeks ago, but through writing this I feel like a lot of the clouds have lifted from my brain. Fingers crossed.