444. Thoughts on D/s and Life

For me, D/s is not in my present.  It is in my future.  With that in mind, I still see my life as being built around D/s.  I see the self that I portray here as my real self and the rest of my life as an act that I perform while I wait for the future to take hold.  I am a submissive and my vanilla vanilla life is pretend.

Through D/s I look for connection and a lifestyle.  I seek the woman that I love with all of myself.  Someone to laugh with.  Someone to cry with.  Someone that I can show all of myself to without restraint.  Someone with thoughts and feelings that resonate with my own.  I will love her as my everything.  I will need her approval, her happiness, and the warmth of her embrace like I need air to breathe.

There is a lifestyle that I seek to build with her.  I want her to be the most important thing in our world.  I want my existence to facilitate her happiness, her joy, her pleasure, her satisfaction, and her ultimate fulfillment.  This is the D/s that I seek and I want these ideas to govern our lives.

I empower her over me.  Completely.  I accept any methods she may employ to keep our philosophy a reality.  I want to be perfect for her.  I will fail but I graciously accept her efforts to drive me to perfection.  Making me perfect for her is a tremendous favor to me.  It will make sure that I can earn her love is kindness.

My submission seeks a loving sadist.  While I do not crave pain, a sadist will unlock my submissive potential.  She will take pleasure in ensuring that I may earn her love.  She will drive me hard, push me deep, and appreciate what I offer to her.  I want to give her my everything so that she needs only me to be happy.

I seek to live in my submissive mental space.  This is where I am at my best.  This is where I am the happiest.  It is my peaceful place.  It is where I have the most love to give.  I like to believe that the one I love will grant me this place.  It is here where I know that I am hers.  I want her to possess me entirely.

I enter this space through cruelty and suffering.  There is no place I would rather be.  I like to believe that the one for me will want to keep me there, both to ensure her happiness and to grant me mine.  It won’t be a chore for her, it will feel like her true calling.

This is the life that I seek… where I cannot think in terms that are not focused around her.  I will exist for her.

I don’t want to jump the gun like I did a couple of weeks ago, but through writing this I feel like a lot of the clouds have lifted from my brain.  Fingers crossed.

• Femdom