461. Thoughts on Environmental D/s

Something that I crave is the existence of dynamics that are always on.  While the actual protocols may shift regularly in order to accommodate life, a lot of D/s is about what happens in the mind.  I would say that it is far more common for subs to have desires to feel dominance that exceed the dominant’s desires to act dominant.  I think that this is often the case when subs find themselves starving.  In many cases, this could have been prevented by establishing an environment in which D/s would always exist within the sub’s mind.

What I call environmental D/s is the concept of employing a system of rules/protocols and philosophies/ideologies that will keep D/s ever-present in the mind of the sub.  It differs from active dominance or submission in that environmental D/s does not require direct actions from either party.  This system works by firmly establishing the ideas behind your D/s and acting within them.  The principles will continue to serve as forms of mental dominance and submission, although they will be more effective if they are regularly maintained, through verbal reinforcement and ensuring that the established principles are adhered to.

I believe that most D/s relationships carry aspects of this.  Addressing the dominant with a title when appropriate is one way, especially if it extends to texts, emails, and phone contact.  Requiring permission for certain acts and activities is another.  To make this an environmental system, it should encompass enough aspects of life to where the sub cannot go for very long without thinking about D/s, and having the principles govern their thought process, decision-making, and behaviors.

Those examples are tangible as they are based upon rules.  The effects of a D/s environment can be magnified by incorporating philosophies into it as well, since they will force the sub to think about their behaviors and how they relate to the philosophy.

One example is the idea that the dominant’s desires are always more important than the sub’s.  If this is treated as a law of the environment, the sub’s desires become preferences.  Their choices are no longer free.  This can trickle down into the most benign aspects of life.  If the sub is at the grocery store and is thinking about what to make for dinner, if the sub wants chicken but knows the dominant prefers beef, then dinner will be beef and the act of buying beef over chicken becomes a form of D/s.

This might seem sort of silly, but for many lifestyle subs, the aspect they like the most about submission is the state of feeling submissive.  That is, they crave their submissive mental space.  Returning to the last example, if the sub has the choice between killing time on the internet and cleaning tomorrow vs. cleaning today, assuming their dominant has the desire for a clean house, that desire, even when they are not present, should make the decision for the sub.  If the philosophy has been driven home firmly enough, that instant where the sub feels like they have a choice can be enough to trigger them and feel like the freedom to choose is taken away.

I know that this may be a bit abstract and it usually takes some time for the sub to be trained and conditioned to have these impulses become natural.  Similarly, it can take a while for the dominant to become acclimated to thinking in this way and regularly reinforcing the philosophy.

A lot of these philosophies don’t even have to be true, they simply need the illusion of truth and to be treated as true.  An example of this would be, “the sub exists to please the dominant.”  Does anyone actually exist as a means to someone else’s end?  No.  As a D/s couple, you can choose to live this way, following this illusion as a law of the environment.  If established, it becomes very difficult for a sub to say no, and in turn, when faced with an opposing desire, the concept looming overhead reinforces the dominance and submission of the relationship.  By not wanting to do something, they are reminded of the dominant’s power and the sub’s role, which can serve to trigger mental space.

In a number of cases where I have seen starving subs, it is because the relationship philosophies actually created an environment that had the opposite effect.  While it may seem kinder to govern a relationship on the ideas of (near) equality, partnership, respect, consent, submission as a gift, and the like, those ideas, especially when continuously reinforced, tend to give the sub a feeling of empowerment.  While this works for cases where the sub seeks nurturing, it doesn’t bode as well for the cases where subs crave to feel disempowered, accountable to someone else’s standards, and that choices are not theirs to truly make.

Often you can see what a sub wants in the environments that exist in their deepest and darkest fantasies.  I think you will find that in many cases, those fantasies are not gentle or warm.  If a sub fantasizes about being bent over and spanked on the spot if they forget to address the dominant by a title or to have their dominant fuck their face while tugging fist-fulls of their hair, there is a good chance that they will respond better to an environment that supports unfairness and a diminished sense of self.

I believe that a D/s environment helps in these situations by so much because the philosophies can remain in play at all time in a sub’s mind, whether the dominant is there or not.  In turn, it often only takes a single sentence spoken by the dominant to send the sub spiraling into the depths of their mental space and the submissive feelings that they crave to feel.

I know this is what I desire in my own life.  I seek to live within an environment that constantly reminds me of my place in this world and I can’t do anything without thinking about her.

26 thoughts on “461. Thoughts on Environmental D/s

  1. Great post, furcissy! I’m definitely still being conditioned to put Daddy’s preferences over my own. He’s gotten crazy consistent lately as he grows in his role…which is making me grow.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Nora.
      Consistency is the key for growth and change. I do know that some of his word choices contribute towards establishing this kind of environment. Let me know if I should start planning your Halloween costume soon 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a great post furs, you always give me a deeper understanding about D/s and I always go away and reflect on what you write. 😄👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Morganna. I am glad.

      I think with some of these ideas they are important to me to be able to articulate them because it seems like as I go, the more that I am drawn to environments than specifics. I have to wonder if other subs experience that as well.


  3. Wow. I kept saying “Yes!” so many times as I read this. First just in my head, but by the end, I was actually saying it out loud. You nailed it! For me, I craved an environment where our D/s principles governed my thought process, decision-making, and behaviors. It led to every increasing rules and rituals until it reached the optimal level for me that allowed me to maintain the submissive mindset that my husband and I both found most fulfilling and satisfying.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jennifer. I’m very happy to hear this. It’s a process to be able to train the mind to react in a certain way… and having things in place that maintain the desired mental space. I’m missing it right now but my past experiences with this have been sublime. On the sub side it sometimes feels you stop thinking just as “you,” but it can work its way into thinking as you relative to them. I know in my case, the environment is what makes it all feel “real,” if that makes sense.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It absolutely does. I think it is one of those things that you can try to explain (and you explained it well) but unless you crave it or have experienced it, you can’t completely “get.” But I totally get what you are saying – everything you wrote mad complete sense to me!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. A guy can get much deeper into the D/s when he knows that he is likely to be punished severely if he screws up and that he can be punished almost as bad when he doesn’t because he has to try even harder to please his dominants!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am of two minds about this. While I love the submissive feeling and always crave a being disempowered by HD, I am also very much a spoiled brat who wants to get her way (on certain things). I don’t know that I could handle being completely disempowered, not all the time. But I am drawn to that, which is why I find being HD’s slave so appealing. Soooooo…I don’t know which I would find more fulfilling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sort of curious, HH. Have you ever set aside a defined length of time, say 48-72 hours, and tried what it would be like if you were fully disempowered?

      That kind of experiment might be able to give you some idea of how that would feel. It’s hard to imagine what it really feels like without experiencing it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Y’know, we haven’t done anything like that. During sex sometimes yes, we’ve even gone as far as me only being able to safeword if I am in medical pain, but we haven’t explored disempowerment for a specific time. A Fet friend made a similar suggestion when I was talking to him about the increasing urge I have to become HD’s slave rather than submissive. I will definitely talk to HD about this, maybe we can set up a time when he’s home in June. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Sounds like an idea. I know a Domme that does this one weekend every month with her husband. That seems to be enough to “scratch her itch” for ramping up the dynamics and keeps them fairly functional as they are. It also gives them practice in the new roles and allows them glimpses of what may happen in the future.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. I asked HD and then (at his request) sent him the post you wrote so he’d have a better idea of what I was talking about. He’s agreed that we can do a trial when he’s home. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Sounds like fun. I think what you will experience is that it won’t break you because you know it will end at some point, but until that point, the helplessness would likely push you rather deep 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree wholeheartedly. Even though I was in a part-time D/s relationship, I wanted to have the rules in play 24/7. I wanted to be in my submissive space full-time, even though Sir wasn’t around, and could be thanks to the environment we created 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Freyja.

      Having the right kind of environment keeps so many things going. It makes me wonder why so many dominants are anti-rules. It’s so easy to keep a sub in the right space and placated if they are chosen wisely and makes everything run a lot more smoothly 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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