463. My Understanding of Domspace and Dominant Mental Space

For those of you who have been reading for a while, you may remember that when I was writing my fs02 erotica I went through a process to try to understand how things work within the mind of a sadist.  Since then, I have evolved my theory based upon discussions with dominants and wanted to share that here. I also figured that since so little is written about Domspace, it is worth talking about as a whole.

If anyone thinks that I have this wrong, please feel free to let me know.  As I am not a dominant, the best that I can do is summarize the varying ways it has been described to me or my own extrapolations.  Also, I originally wrote this as an explanation to a newer Domme and I don’t really feel like rewriting it to make it seem more formal.

For the record, dominant mental space is not really a term. Domspace is caught in limbo right now where the word actually has two definitions and very few people write about it.  I am using dominant mental space in order to differentiate the definitions, just as subspace/submissive mental space were split after the community as a whole changed the meanings. Both Domspace and dominant mental space are altered mental states and dominant mental space is significantly more complicated than submissive mental space.

Domspace is an adrenaline fueled state of heightened awareness. In this state you will be acutely aware of everything you are feeling and what is going on around you. You will feel every muscle twitch within you as your arousal builds. You will notice every smell, sound, and physical reaction from the sub. Things like their eyes darting around, the way their eyebrows shape as you make a move, the quivering of their lips and body, the way that they squirm in anticipation or increased arousal may stand out.  You may notice the trembling of their skin and the standing up of the fine hairs as you touch them, the pattern and depth of their breathing, the moans and cries, the way that their whole body reacts if you swat them, etc. In this state you will likely be breathing deeply, nostrils flaring, aware of your own breathing and heart beat, and feeling the ever building heat of arousal. This usually occurs during a scene or pleasurable act and is an “in the moment” state of focus. This is when you are feeling the height of your dominance and doing your favorite things.

Dominant mental space is the state you enter when you enter the Domme role. Unlike submissive mental space, dominant mental space tends to have multiple personas at work. If you can imagine say, 4 people in a car, trading off who is “driving” and which voices the driver listens to to help navigate, that is probably a good comparison.

When you enter dominant mental space, the vanilla persona gives up the driver’s seat. The other personas in play are differing aspects of your dominance. How many dominant personas within you will vary from person to person. I will list three potential dominant personas:

1. Sadist. This is the part of your dominance that wants to inflict pain and suffering. This is the part of your dominance that wants to exert power and control.

2. Hedonist. This is the part of your dominance that wants to receive pleasure. This is the part of your dominance that wants to be catered to, pampered, and have all of your desires met.

3. Sensualist. This is the part of your dominance that wants to grant pleasure to or stimulate a sub in some way. This may also reflect your sexy/seductive side.

It is common for these personas to work together. For example, if you enjoy tease and denial, it is very likely that the sensualist and sadist personas will be either sharing the wheel or one driving while the other helps to navigate.

There may also be multiple facets of your vanilla self that have split into their own personas and also present. For example, a part of your vanilla self will remain responsible, being careful not to inflict actual damage, aware of time constraints and the like. Depending upon your relationship with the sub, the lover part of your vanilla self may be present, desiring to create a shared experience that the both of you will enjoy and cherish.

Within dominant mental space, many of your personas may be present simultaneously, but generally there are a few that are in primary control with the others hanging back, ready to step in if necessary. Because of this, shifting within personas is a lot less jarring for a dominant than it is for a sub unless something significantly bad happens. e.g. if a Domme accidentally badly injures her sub, the vanilla/responsible persona may immediately seize control and kick the others out of the car. This may differ from say, receiving a phone call from work, shifting into your work persona for 45 seconds to answer the call and then shift back to the dominant personas.

I believe this explains how a dominant may be both cruel and loving at the same time and other things of that nature.


32 thoughts on “463. My Understanding of Domspace and Dominant Mental Space

  1. Hi fur. This entry seems like it goes hand in hand with the efforts you put forth when writing from the Femdom point of view in your fiction sections. I was impressed with how you did this at the time, and I’m impressed that you once again resumed the daunting task of being in the mind of someone(s) far removed from your own point of view.

    As to what you’ve written here, I really liked the second part “Dominant Mental Space”. I think you rang the right bells there, and I’ll raise my hand as one who embraces the three items you listed, and all at the same time. For me, it’s been “ever thus”, and I think most natural dominants would fall into this category.

    However, I think you got a bit carried away when describing “Domspace”, at least in describing the Dom herself. “In this state you will likely be breathing deeply, nostrils flaring, aware of your own breathing and heart beat, and feeling the ever building heat of arousal. ” Seems a bit hyperbolic, no? I almost felt like the next sentence would include “Foaming at the mouth”, and I thought of those painful renditions of sensual delight in romance novels.

    I’m just teasing you a bit here, fur, but I have trouble viewing myself in such a condition when I am aroused. Let me assure you that one can be in domspace without exhibiting quite the level of arousal that would be accompanied by “flaring nostrils”. I’m going to stick with “Dominant Mental Space”, and if I’m somehow videotaped with those flaring nostrils, I will surely change my evil ways:)

    BTW, how can you “like” a comment that’s already been liked by someone else on here? I can’t seem to add my like if there’s a preceding one listed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      The description of Domspace was a bit over the top as I was mostly trying to convey some of the “symptoms” that may be present to someone who has not experienced it before. The flaring nostrils is actually something that I have witnessed from my time with F. When she would reach this space she would start taking very deep breaths in and out through her nose, and along with a change in her aura and an evil grin, they were my tipoff of where she was in her mind.

      I am very glad that you liked my description of dominant mental space. When writing fiction I became obsessed with trying to accurately portray a sadist. I was able to ask a few people about it but I also had to dig into it logically. One major aspect I had to confront is the fact that a Domme that leaves her mental space doesn’t seem to have the same type of “hangover” that a sub does when they abruptly fall out of it. That forced me to figure out a theory that didn’t require the complete stifling of one persona and reawakening of another. Having been at play parties and seen some demos, I have seen that immediate gear change when something goes wrong and a dominant immediately shifts into care mode even if they were a raging sadist just moments before. My experiences with sub mental space tend to be disorienting and jarring when I have to change gears like that.

      Someone did bring to my attention another potential dominant persona that is more nurturing/caring, but I’m not sure if this is an extension of vanilla space or if there is a separate dominant persona that encompasses these.

      As for liking a comment, you would need to login in some way, either by creating a wordpress account or using your google/blogger account, or twitter or facebook. I will create a post with an image of where those options are.

      Take care. It is always nice to hear from you.


  2. I’ve always wondered how that worked. My mental space, even when HD is feeling submissive, doesn’t work like that at all. Topping him would be much, much easier if it did. I wonder if this can be learned?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, HH.

      One factor that makes it feel natural is confidence. You have to believe that you know how to make him respond and be able to act upon it. That knowledge is the start.

      In regards to learning it, I believe that mental spaces require it to arouse you or at least put you into a state of intense emotional high.

      IMO, what you should try to do is channel your brat and give him some payback. That may be enough to awaken a dominant persona.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hm. I’m not all that confident, in particular when it comes to Topping. Instead of being aroused by it or getting an emotional high, I feel tense and nervous. So this is likely to be a learned mental state.

        HD has said something similar. He keeps telling me it’s a chance to let my brat run free, which is fine…except some of the things my brat side wants to do are hard limits for him. I know he enjoys chastity but I feel guilty about it. It would help if he knew more about what he wanted to experience as a sub I think. I would have a basis for understanding his needs and desires, and I could better tailor the experience.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Confidence can be learned. It is something you build through repetition of success (or for some, just believing it for the hell of it). Without confidence, you can’t enjoy it.

          Does your brat have plenty of things that aren’t hard limits? If he hasn’t communicated his fantasies you could always just do what you want. Or you could talk to him about the hard limits and find out if they really should be there. e.g. if he knows that you might take to topping better if you had access to what you wanted to do, it may change things.


        2. Ah. And therein lies the problem.

          We’ve talked about it a bit, he just doesn’t know since he hasn’t really explored it. He knows what he definitely does NOT want to explore (like CBT), and I know something he wants to try but we don’t have the equipment yet. Beyond that, we don’t know. It’s a lot of experimentation, which makes me nervous because I am so afraid of doing something wrong or hurting him. He bruises easier than I do, which I found out by accident the last time. That freaks me out especially since pain is a soft limit for him. So, when he’s feeling submissive, I’m feeling panicked.

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Well, what do you want to do?

          Really he is most likely chasing a feeling set, so doing whatever brings him there will probably work. The potential for a mistake is something he contends with as well. If a mistake happens, you apologize and provide care and learn from it. The two routes you can work from are what makes you feel dominant or what makes him feel submissive. You could restrain him and mount his body and put some nipple clamps on him, starting gently and seeing where it goes. It will always be better if you like it. You aren’t intentionally trying to hurt him in a bad way, and that alone means things will work out.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Ah. Well, I’d love to try some post-orgasm torture on him, but I don’t know if he’d consent since pain is a soft limit (and I don’t know if it would be painful for him or not…for me it’s an intense tickling sensation). I’d love to explore mild cock torture. But, it’s a hard limit, so that won’t happen anytime soon.

          I haven’t found anything that makes me feel Dominant yet, but bondage and restraints definitely make him feel submissive. I always take advantage of those. He likes spankings too, which are fun but I’m not as good as he is with them. We don’t have nipple clamps yet, but I do like to play with his. They’re on my list of things to purchase next…and since my nipples don’t function, I don’t have to worry about wearing them. 😀

          That kinda happened already. I won’t go into details (it wasn’t bad but I felt awful about it anyway).

          We’ll see how it goes the next time. He’s considering a week out of the year where we switch, and that would be a great time to play with the things I know he does like. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        5. Palming is very unpleasant but not direct pain really. It’s an over-stimulation of nerves.

          I think part of what you will have to imagine is what you would do if you knew everything you did was good and would work out. When you can picture that perfect world scenario, you know what you will need to learn before it happens.

          If going too far already happened and you got through it, you should know that everything will be okay, right? 🙂


      1. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience. I used to read your blog just for the pleasure of reading, now I am desperate to learn lol

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Thank you 🙂

          I know you have read about dominant mental spaces, and as long as you also know about submissive mental spaces, you are on the right track.

          Figuring out what it is YOU enjoy will be paramount. This usually starts with fantasies.

          Overall, my intro to F/m series might be useful for you if you just want to learn about how F/m can differ from M/f in various ways: https://fcsyblog.wordpress.com/tag/intro-to-f-m/

          Also if you are really curious, I did write an erotica from a newer Domme’s point of view:

          Liked by 1 person

        2. To date, my fantasies have been from a submissive perspective lol, but just the idea of a whole new journey of exploration and experimentation excites me. I had already discovered your intro to F/m series, thank you, and I am now keen to read your erotica. I’m sure it will give me plenty to think about 😉
          Thank you for being so generous with your time ☺

          Liked by 1 person

        3. That does sound exciting.
          I hope you are able to find out more about what makes that part of you tick.

          I’m always here if you have any questions. Take care.


  3. Fur….. we are such similar creatures and yet so far apart. There are days where I thought Domspace was a myth… Until I reached it… It’s the space where scents, sounds, emotions, and your thoughts are colliding with the one you are having that moment with… the one who you have taken to subspace in which sends you into the space and time in your own mind that makes you float….. Thank you as always for your words…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You have an insight into the components of a dominant’ s performance as a sadist, hedonist and sensualist. Although one of the actors typically drives the scene more than the others, the choice of the driver can vary with the needs and personality of the submissive. Guys often coax the sadist out of me (i.e. ‘rough trade’). When I’m switching with my partner, she brings out the sensualist in me (possibly because I don’t want to hurt her). When I’m with FWB’s, we’re both in it for hedonistic pleasure (we want to both get off fast). Thanks for enlightening me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dave.

      I do also think that some of the personas coexist at some time and that the vanilla/responsible self is also present in sort of a “conscience” role that keeps things going smoothly and safely and keeps the sadist from going too far, keeps the hedonist from asking for too much, etc. I find it all quite fascinating as it is so different from how I know my submission to behave.

      Take care.


      1. Do you mean that your submission overcomes your restraint or that you lose yourself in submission? For me, restraint keeps me from getting fully immersed in submission lately. I keep seeking more sensation to overcome it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My submission overcomes my restraint. My submissive mental space is capable of completely overwriting my vanilla persona. To get me that deep takes some pretty significant triggers, several of which are linked to trauma, but it can be quite effective.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s