For those of you who have been reading for a while, you may remember that when I was writing my fs02 erotica I went through a process to try to understand how things work within the mind of a sadist. Since then, I have evolved my theory based upon discussions with dominants and wanted to share that here. I also figured that since so little is written about Domspace, it is worth talking about as a whole.
If anyone thinks that I have this wrong, please feel free to let me know. As I am not a dominant, the best that I can do is summarize the varying ways it has been described to me or my own extrapolations. Also, I originally wrote this as an explanation to a newer Domme and I don’t really feel like rewriting it to make it seem more formal.
For the record, dominant mental space is not really a term. Domspace is caught in limbo right now where the word actually has two definitions and very few people write about it. I am using dominant mental space in order to differentiate the definitions, just as subspace/submissive mental space were split after the community as a whole changed the meanings. Both Domspace and dominant mental space are altered mental states and dominant mental space is significantly more complicated than submissive mental space.
Domspace is an adrenaline fueled state of heightened awareness. In this state you will be acutely aware of everything you are feeling and what is going on around you. You will feel every muscle twitch within you as your arousal builds. You will notice every smell, sound, and physical reaction from the sub. Things like their eyes darting around, the way their eyebrows shape as you make a move, the quivering of their lips and body, the way that they squirm in anticipation or increased arousal may stand out. You may notice the trembling of their skin and the standing up of the fine hairs as you touch them, the pattern and depth of their breathing, the moans and cries, the way that their whole body reacts if you swat them, etc. In this state you will likely be breathing deeply, nostrils flaring, aware of your own breathing and heart beat, and feeling the ever building heat of arousal. This usually occurs during a scene or pleasurable act and is an “in the moment” state of focus. This is when you are feeling the height of your dominance and doing your favorite things.
Dominant mental space is the state you enter when you enter the Domme role. Unlike submissive mental space, dominant mental space tends to have multiple personas at work. If you can imagine say, 4 people in a car, trading off who is “driving” and which voices the driver listens to to help navigate, that is probably a good comparison.
When you enter dominant mental space, the vanilla persona gives up the driver’s seat. The other personas in play are differing aspects of your dominance. How many dominant personas within you will vary from person to person. I will list three potential dominant personas:
1. Sadist. This is the part of your dominance that wants to inflict pain and suffering. This is the part of your dominance that wants to exert power and control.
2. Hedonist. This is the part of your dominance that wants to receive pleasure. This is the part of your dominance that wants to be catered to, pampered, and have all of your desires met.
3. Sensualist. This is the part of your dominance that wants to grant pleasure to or stimulate a sub in some way. This may also reflect your sexy/seductive side.
It is common for these personas to work together. For example, if you enjoy tease and denial, it is very likely that the sensualist and sadist personas will be either sharing the wheel or one driving while the other helps to navigate.
There may also be multiple facets of your vanilla self that have split into their own personas and also present. For example, a part of your vanilla self will remain responsible, being careful not to inflict actual damage, aware of time constraints and the like. Depending upon your relationship with the sub, the lover part of your vanilla self may be present, desiring to create a shared experience that the both of you will enjoy and cherish.
Within dominant mental space, many of your personas may be present simultaneously, but generally there are a few that are in primary control with the others hanging back, ready to step in if necessary. Because of this, shifting within personas is a lot less jarring for a dominant than it is for a sub unless something significantly bad happens. e.g. if a Domme accidentally badly injures her sub, the vanilla/responsible persona may immediately seize control and kick the others out of the car. This may differ from say, receiving a phone call from work, shifting into your work persona for 45 seconds to answer the call and then shift back to the dominant personas.
I believe this explains how a dominant may be both cruel and loving at the same time and other things of that nature.