I am writing this from the standpoint of introducing these ideas and concepts as part of a Femdom discussion group and may include ideas and concepts that I have discussed in earlier posts. As this group involves primarily male submissives I am limiting this post to the topic of male chastity, which is a slightly different animal from female chastity.
I. What is male chastity?
Enforced male chastity is an activity in BDSM where a man’s penis is kept secured within a device designed to prevent him from achieving an erection and experiencing an orgasm for either a fixed or indeterminate amount of time. There are dozens of device styles that may be constructed from metal, plastic, silicone, rubber, or leather. Devices may be designed for long-term wear or short-term usage. They may be locking and in some cases they may have the option to be made permanent. Some devices are meant to simply prevent and erection and orgasm while others may be designed to inflict pain with erection attempts. A handful of options are designed for work with electricity play and to deliver additional pain or sensations to the wearer. Penis piercings are often used in conjunction with chastity devices and these are frequently thought of as being the most secure designs available.
Along with the multitude of devices, you will also find a multitude of ways in which people use male chastity. For some it is a game. For others it is a lifestyle. You will find no consensus among its practitioners and you will find people who engage in chastity ranging from hours at a time to going years between release.
II. Who partakes in male chastity?
Many people that take part in male chastity are involved in an F/m or M/m D/s dynamic. There are also those who partake in male chastity without engaging in D/s. For this latter group, I tend to refer to them as “chastity enthusiasts.”
III. Why do people engage in male chastity?
A. Some women want it, others do not.
The allure of chastity for a woman is a rather polarizing topic. Male chastity is seen as a primarily male kink, and as a whole, there are more men interested in being kept in a chastity device than there are women who are interested in keeping men locked in a chastity device. While it is easy to cite this differential as the difference in numbers between submissive men and dominant women, among Dommes, the views on chastity are heavily divided with the pro-chastity crowd falling in the minority.
Certain dominant types are often predisposed to the idea of enforced male chastity. Sadistic Dommes may enjoy taking away the sub’s sexual freedom and causing an ever-increasing sense of sexual frustration and anguish. Authoritarian Dommes may enjoy the power and control that chastity yields to them. Sensualist Dommes may enjoy being able to tease a sub and bring him to wildly frustrated state of prolonged blocked erection attempts. While their reasons may differ slightly from the reasons I have listed here, these examples are not outside the realm of realistic estimation. It is important to note that when a Domme likes the idea of chastity, in most cases she absolutely loves the idea of chastity.
The majority of Dommes tend to be anti-male chastity. When they share their thoughts on the subject, it is often cited that they see chastity as being completely unnecessary and unromantic. If she tells a sub he is not allowed to touch himself or to have an orgasm, she expects him to perform this of his own accord. If he needs a chastity device to prevent him from doing this, he is not the right sub. On some occasions, these views are exacerbated by the number of subs that are willing to continuously project their chastity kink onto them. When faced with this, it is common for Dommes to dig in their heels and develop a hardline stance against chastity, as entertaining at this point would make them feel like they are catering directly to a sub’s fetishes. When Dommes have adopted this mindset, being able to convince them that there will be any benefit from male chastity will be difficult, and in some cases, impossible.
There are Dommes, especially newer Dommes, that are on the fence or undecided on this topic. For most of them, the examples they are exposed to will eventually tip the scales as to whether or not they wish to pursue chastity. If the examples seem cruel, heartless, and over-the-top, they are more likely to recoil away from chastity. If the examples seem practical and constructive, they are more likely to wish to learn more.
From my experiences, the greatest “salesmanship” for chastity towards a Domme is if the sub is able to convey exactly what it does for them from an emotional and submissive standpoint. The better they can articulate how it affects them or their submission in a positive way, the more attractive chastity will seem to a Domme. Even if she can’t see why she is doing it to benefit herself, she may be very willing to give it a go if she understands what it does for the sub.
You will find that most chastity resources out there are written with the idea of introducing a vanilla woman to the idea of enforced male chastity. The standard description is that once a man’s genitals are placed under her control, his only means of sexual gratification is by pleasing her and “earning” release. As he acclimates to his predicament, this will condition the man to focus his sexual energies upon the woman, increasing his attentiveness and obedience, and in turn, making her happier with him. This answer is frequently used when trying to sell the idea of chastity to a partner that may not be interested in it. If she locks him up, he will make her happier.
While these resources may influence an undecided Domme to a certain extent, I find that they respond much more strongly to the shared experiences of other Dommes that they relate to. How the Dommes they look up to as resources view chastity often has a greater impact upon them.
B. What’s in it for the man?
I want to rip through all of the flowery talk and salesmanship of chastity and get right to the meat of it. The primary reason that men wish to engage in enforced male chastity is that it makes them feel truly submissive.
Basically, chastity triggers their submissive mental space.
While this might not seem like a huge deeal to those who regularly reach space, enforced chastity offers a number of characteristics that other activities do not. These may include:
- The chance to experience prolonged submissive mental space. As most subs first access this space via fantasy and find themselves losing it as soon as they climax from that fantasy, chastity, by its very nature, allows them to extend out this space while they remain locked.
- The chance to truly feel helpless and powerless. When the key is in a Domme’s possession (or frozen in an ice cube or a time-lock safe, etc.), this is often one of the few times that a sub will find themselves in a situation that is truly out of their control.
- The chance to truly feel the loss of privilege, pleasure, and freedom. The early stages of chastity make a sub keenly aware that they have taken their erections and ability to touch themselves for granted. When those are taken away, the sense of loss is magnified.
On some level, I believe this gives reasons for why male chastity is such an obsession among men. Few men will ever experience submission to a Domme. Chastity provides access to the feelings that they can only fantasize about.
For the subs that do have the privilege of submitting to a Domme, these factors work to deepen the feelings of submission, dominance, and control. These feelings are even more intense when the sub does not want to be kept in chastity. Emotional masochists might find these types of arrangements to be particularly appealing.
A simplified summary of all of this is that a chastity device makes submission feel real. It provides tangible evidence of the loss of control. While a sub may drift in and out of their submissive mental space, each blocked erection attempt will restore them to that space for the duration that the device is worn.
There are other reasons that men may wish to engage in enforced chastity. Focusing their sexual energies, increased libido, and feeling more connected to their significant other are a few that come to mind. Another reason that comes to mind is that chastity can lead to less frequent but more intense and fulfilling orgasms for the man.
I am sure there are other reasons that could be listed, but as this post is intended for a Femdom D/s audience, I put the primary focus upon the D/s applications of chastity.
IV. How does male chastity work?
There are four primary designs of chastity devices, some of which share some overlapping characteristics.
- A full metal belt. These are expensive and designed for security and long-term wear. They are custom fitted and crafted from steel, including a front plate that houses a tube that encases the penis while flaccid, holding it in a fixed downward position and preventing any external contact.
- A trapped-ball device. This is the most common type of chastity device out there due to its size and price. While they are not as secure as some other designs, the majority of mass-marketed devices are of this style. These devices function by encasing the penis in a cage portion and trapping the scrotum between a pair of rings. When the penis attempts an erection, it attempts to rise along with the scrotum, but the combination of the cage blocking the penis’s expansion, the angle of the penis being kept pinned down, and the scrotum being unable to move along with the penis’s rise, prevent an erection from occurring.
- A piercing-based device. These types of devices use a cage-based design, sometimes resembling a trapped ball device. A metal bar is fed through the penis piercing, holding it securely within the cage in a manner where the penis cannot be removed. The cage itself blocks the expansion of the penis and prevents an erection.
- A Kali’s Tooth Bracelet (KTB) or similar design. These devices consist of a spiked ring that is locked snugly around the flaccid penis. If the penis attempts an erection, it expands into the spikes and the inflicted pain will cause it to recoil to a flaccid state. These devices are meant more to condition a sub to develop greater control over their erections and stop attempting erections at times deemed inappropriate by the Domme.
Something of note is that most devices are unable to prevent an erection by 100%. During an erection attempt, the penis will expand and fill the device as much as possible and any part of the penis that is not restricted by the device will reach an erect or partially erect state. This includes the blood vessels that fill below the surface of the skin where the penis meets the pelvic region. In this partially erect state, the penis itself may become extremely sensitive and the sub may feel an overwhelming sense of sexual frustration where he is keenly aware of his penis and its inability to reach a fully erect state. The cage itself may provide a minor amount of stimulation that often results in the leaking of pre-cum.
Some believe that regular expulsion of the prostate is necessary for prostate health. In these cases, prostate milking may be used with chastity in order to maintain prostate health, without allowing the sub an orgasm.
The psychological ramifications of chastity are large and many of the theories out there are based upon our (limited) understanding of neurohormones. I have seen articles talking about the way it affects male motivation through regulation of dopamine and prolactin. There are theories about how the anticipation and experience can affect levels of corticotropin and thyrotropin.
What we do know is that a sub kept in chastity will frequently have:
- An intense focus upon the Domme (aka key-holder).
- An increased libido as they become more aware of the intensity and frequency of their denied erection attempts.
- A decrease in their own personal sexual desires as they shift focus upon the Domme’s desires (as this is required to earn release). In essence, the Domme’s desires become the sub’s sexual desires.
- An acceptance that their own pleasure is outside of their own direct control.
From my own (albeit limited) experiences with prolonged chastity, I have found that subs in chastity progress through a psychological process similar to the Five Stages of Grief:
- Denial. There is the hope that it won’t be so bad, that they can handle the chastity period, etc.
- Anger (better stated as frustration). There will be times where the sub will desperately wish to be free of the device.
- Bargaining. The sub may want to find ways to end or reduce the chastity period.
- Depression. The sub may regret his chaste state, possibly wishing that he had never agreed to it.
- Acceptance. The sub surrenders his will and accepts the Domme’s authority over his sexual freedom and pleasure. Instead of searching for another way out, he focuses upon making the Domme as happy and pleased with him as possible (as this is his only way out).
While individual results may vary, the underlying outcome for the sub is the conditioning that obedience, focus, and devotion are what lead to freedom and pleasure.
C. In a D/s dynamic
As I have noted that there are some dominants that have no interest in practicing chastity, this section will cover those who do involve chastity in their D/s dynamic.
A number of Dommes that I know that enjoy chastity make it almost mandatory. If you wish to submit to her in a D/s relationship, you should be prepared to be kept in a chastity device (with certain stipulations permitted due to work, travel, etc.). While this may involve a gradual work up, she will want to lock it up and hold the key.
Within these dynamics, chastity often becomes a continuous carrot and stick scenario as it requires very little effort on the Domme’s part, but greatly affects the sub’s behavior, attitude, and morale. “That service wasn’t enthusiastic enough, let’s add a day to your release.” “You did that without asking permission first, let’s add a week as a reminder.” “I think someone doesn’t want to be let out tomorrow.”
While not everyone uses chastity in this way, is is quite functional and practical as a punishment, potential threat, or even a reward.
Others may use chastity simply as a regular form of control. They may have release dates marked on a calendar and simply obey the regular intervals they have decided upon.
There are some Dommes that use chastity as more of a temporary tool. They may lock a sub up for a few hours of intense seduction and teasing, relishing his sexual frustration and escalating desperation before granting him an eventual release.
There are also those who engage in very long-term chastity. I would classify these as greater than six-month intervals between release. In these dynamics, I believe that chastity is used to condition the sub from thinking about their own sexual pleasure at all. This frees the sub to think only of the Domme’s pleasure. In extreme cases, where the sub is never granted release, there is often the accompanying philosophy that the greatest pleasure the sub should aspire for is the Domme’s pleasure.
Overall, Dommes tend to use chastity in their own unique way.