540. Today’s Thoughts on Service Submission

So I am attending a Femdom discussion munch tonight on service.  I’ve written a lot about this in the past and at some point I may do a write-up/Guide, but for now, I just wanted to write something brief-ish to gather my thoughts for the discussion tonight.

In BDSM communities, service submission often falls through the cracks as a form of submission since it isn’t very conducive to finding play partners or something that is performed at play parties.  If  you are a submissive and aren’t a masochist, it often leads to puzzling looks and a, “so what do you actually do?” type of attitude.

I generally chalk this up to people not understanding the “payoff” for service subs.  With masochists, the benefit of impact play is clear: they achieve an endorphin/adrenaline high along with experiencing levels of sexual arousal and in some cases, sexual gratification.

For a sub that identifies as a service sub, there is usually some other benefit.  These may include but are not limited to:

Service submission ends up being a contentious topic when it comes to the courting process between Domme and sub.  The source of the conflict is that people have different definitions of what constitutes service but the standard vernacular has not evolved an adequate vocabulary to provide adequate descriptions.

To put it bluntly: there aren’t terms used for different types of service and there are different types of service.

Over the years I have found three areas in which views of service primarily differ: content, motivation, and interaction.

When I am referring to content differences, it means that service can be:

  • Domestic and Beneficial Service.  This would cover services like housekeeping, running errands, landscaping, auto maintenance, chauffeur service, etc.
  • Intimate Service.  This would cover services like body worship, massage, pampering, assisting with bathing/primping, sexual service, and things that involve close, intimate contact.

This becomes highly problematic when views differ.  e.g. one party views service as cleaning the bathroom and the other sees it as a marathon cunnilingus session.  These are both forms of service, but very different forms of service.  It is possible for someone to desire both types, but most of the communication failures happen when people only want one and not the other.

When I am referring to motivation differences, it means that service can be:

  • No Strings Service.  This type of service occurs when the service is its own reward for the sub and they do not expect any other form of compensation.
  • Dynamic-Driven Service.  This type of service occurs when a sub provide service as a part of their submission to their Domme.
  • Compelled Service.  This type of service occurs when a sub provides service within a defined framework of rules and consequences.

No-strings service subs are often the most highly sought after of all sub types but they are also the rarest.  When people are seeking this sub type they generally do ask for it by name.  However, there isn’t really terminology used for the other styles, so I made some up.  Compelled service is a specific type of Dynamic-Driven service where the sub thrives in service submission “while under duress,” but may not do well with service outside of those circumstances. It is also common for people seeking service to consider compelled service as being a “lesser” form of service than no-strings or enthusiastic dynamic-driven service.

When I am referring to interaction differences, it means that service can be:

  • Formal Service.  The sub performs their role as if they were a paid domestic servant.  The Domme is always the priority and the sub can expect very limited if any personal-level interactions or contact.  The sub is valued only/primarily for their services provided.
  • Informal Service.  The sub performs their role within a more personally interactive relationship.

From my experiences, people aren’t quite clear enough on this difference if they are seeking only one type of interaction.  Also, it seems to be a moderately even split for Dommes and for subs when it comes to which type they are seeking.

And… that’s my thoughts for the day on this topic.  At least I know what I will be talking about during the discussion tonight.

8 thoughts on “540. Today’s Thoughts on Service Submission

  1. This was intriguing and informative. The more we dive into pet’s needs the service part of him comes out. I feel guilty for “making” him do something for me, but really I’m feeding his submissive space. It’s really interesting watching him blossom.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s nice to find this after wading through so much porn fantasy. I thought I was kinda weird for wanting to pick up dry-cleaning or something from the consignment place. Don’t get me wrong. Intimate service certainly fills a need and elevates that aspect of our relationship, but knowing that I saved her the stress of traffic or gave her a few hours to enjoy feels just as good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing. Wanting to provide beneficial services is its own type of submission and can be very rewarding/satisfying. It is also a rather highly sought after form of submission and relatively few male subs are willing to offer it.

      Take care.


  3. I’m sorry I missed this discussion. The categories you use here are distinct, and I feel like there is some overlap. You’re absolutely right in that when asking for a service sub, dominants often haven’t thought of what they want, exactly. I have thought about it, quite a lot. The issue I have yet to solve is that the pleasure I derive from receiving service has to do with knowing that it’s being provided willingly. Knowing that providing service to me, whatever it is, is deeply satisfying to the submissive. Otherwise I feel as if I’m taking advantage of them. Another thing I struggle with is receiving service for something I could do myself but choose not to, because that feels incredibly selfish. Again – if I knew for certain that the service being provided satisfied a need the submissive has, satisfied a desire the submissive has, or at least gives them pleasure to be able to do a thing for me — I could accept it. I just never quite feel that way. The guilt affects me. It’s something I’ll have to dig around a bit to find a reason for feeling that way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing. The doubts and guilts are things I have encountered before. Some are able to find paths through it that can ease their conscience, but others cannot.

      Do you ever feel it is okay for you to be selfish?

      What I am thinking about on some level is that I know a number of service-oriented subs that respond more strongly to the “meta” theme of the situation moreso than particular acts. Those subs are generally chasing a specific feeling set that is associated with submission under certain terms.

      One example might be if a sub gets their joy/fulfillment from feeling like they are being taken advantage of and exploited in an environment where a Domme’s selfishess is encouraged and “the way things are.” If you knew that, do you think that would help to alleviate those doubts?


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