Over the years I have written numerous times about how submissive men vastly outnumber dominant women. Over the years I have also read many accounts of dominant women stating that there are a shortage of submissive men.
Which one of these views is correct? Both.
It is possible for both to be true based upon who gets counted in the submissive male population.
- The “there are many submissive men” view results from counting those who are wanting to meet dominant women and make their presence known in some way (e.g. messages, social media traffic, etc.).
- The “there are too few submissive men” view results from counting those who are willing to show up in person for a kink-related event (e.g. munch, play party, etc.).
Which census is the best representation of the submissive male population is something that can be debated with valid points on both side.
- From the perspective of a submissive male, if 9,999 other male subs have written to a Domme and managed to bias her in a negative way with skepticism, hostility, etc. making it more difficult for me to be given a fair chance, I believe they should be included in the count.
- From the perspective of a dominant woman, if 9,999 male subs write to her and she tells every single one of them, “If you want to meet me, please attend this munch,” and none of them ever show up, it is easy to see how they could stop believing that they are “real,” and write them all off as being pretenders.
The value in evaluating these perspectives is not in trying to decide which side is right, but looking at what can be learned from this.
The major conclusion that jumps out to me is this: If you are a submissive male and are willing to show up somewhere, you have already separated yourself from the pack.
I think a better way of looking at it all is seeing the male submissive population as an iceberg: while some of it is visible above the surface, over 90% of it is hidden under the water. If you measure what you can see, it looks a lot smaller… but it is the hidden part that can sink the ship.
The more involved I get in helping organize a Femdom group’s events and parties, the more apparent the difficulties there are in simply getting submissive men to show up to something. Our first party had 27 Dommes/tops/switches and 20 male subs/bottoms/switches/fetishists. It wasn’t even a 1:1 ratio. What should stand out from this is that if you are a sub male and willing to show up, you are already 3/4ths of the way there.