Something that I don’t talk about much is the fact that I get really turned on when I write certain posts. A similar thing happens when I talk about and discuss Femdom-relevant topics. This is the result of the fact that I begin to teeter on the edge of my submissive mental space, and the arousal within that space is fairly standard for me. There are two things that stand out about this:
- I do not mention this because because I don’t do this to “get off,” and I don’t want people to think that I am fetish projecting or trying to nonconsensually pull them into some sort of fantasy jargon. The arousal is a byproduct of thinking about the topics.
- A lot of what I respond to has to do with the fact that I have a lot of meta-fetishes.
The concept of meta-fetishes is something that I have had a few conversations about recently and I am realizing that it isn’t a standard topic of discussion in the BDSM curriculum. In discussion, I generally refer to these simply as “metas.”
I consider something a meta-fetish or meta-kink when an individual responds to the underlying themes of acts more than to the act itself.
You will find that metas more frequently surface with people that are drawn more to the D/s side of the spectrum. By comparison, this gets relatively less frequent for people who engage in BDSM activities as a form of recreation.
An easy example of this is corporal punishment/impact play. A masochist will get their payoff from the pain itself. There are also subs that do not like pain but experience a positive submissive response from being put into a position of “having” to receive pain. This may make a sub appear to be a masochist with their arousal and immersion in submissive mental space, but they are actually responding to one or more metas. Some examples of possible metas connected to this scenario:
- If the pain is a punishment, then the sub may be responding to the power dynamic and the fact that the Domme holds the power to exact punishments.
- If the pain is simply for her enjoyment/amusement, then the sub may be responding to the power dynamic and the fact that the Domme may do this whenever she wants.
- Also on the enjoyment/amusement line, the sub may respond to “feeling used” for enjoyment or amusement and being degraded in that way.
- If the pain is inflicted while the sub is restrained in some way (including the possible use of gags or blindfolds), the sub may be responding to feeling helpless and restricted.
- The sub may be responding to the power dynamic of having to endure something they do not want or like.
There are countless other metas that can apply as well, these are just a few of them.
It can be confusing at times for both Dommes and subs to decipher just “what is going on” until they have developed an understanding of the sub’s metas and how they work. To make it even more complicated, this doesn’t include the process of discernings the difference between a sub with metas vs. a bottom without metas vs. a fetishist who may appear to have metas but only relating to their fetishes, etc.
I should note that it is far more common for dominants to both have and be aware of their metas.
In some cases, metas can be “treed” out like a taxonomy spectrum. Events fall under a themed meta umbrella and some of those umbrellas may be a part of a larger themed meta.
My own set of metas is rather expansive. They also rely heavily on the concepts, ideals, and environment, which is why I write more about topics involving “the idea behind an act” than topics about “the act itself.” Acts that display or reinforce certain philosophy tend to trigger my space, but I am responding more to the symbolic idea than the act.
A few examples of the metas that affect me:
- The concept that she is greater and that I am lesser.
- The power inequality caused by the disparity in our statuses.
- Feeling bound/indentured to her (even if I would willingly be there by choice).
- Feeling that my purpose and worth are determined by her.
Each of these branches yield a lot of potential activities and most of those activities will affect me if they are portrayed in a way that reinforces the metas.
I’m realizing now that while I have thought about metas, it is normally “under a microscope” where I am working my way up from a specific act and the potential metas it could represent. What I’ve come to notice is that the metas I listed above are part of a lower level meta that falls at the core of my submission: feeling powerless.
It is when I cannot exert any influence over a situation that I feel submissive. This can be magnified if I am acutely aware of outside influence over me. That feeling you get when your will breaks and you surrender yourself to the inevitable… is what I feel when I tumble deep into my own submissive mental space.
I think the people that have read my fiction are probably very aware that this is how it works for me. That is where I hide my inner-truths when I am not brave enough to state them outright.