This is a follow-up to my last post.
I’ve been thinking more about the healing potential of people owning their inner demons rather than overcoming them. I know that this is something that I have experienced in some ways. I can’t re-write how my inner-truths work but I can come to terms with them and accept them as a part of me.
The healing that happens is because of the “outcome.” There is no rejection. There is acceptance. The aftercare makes it feel okay to be that way. Using the slut example from 558 again, it is during aftercare that someone can be taught to value being a slut and trust that it is what their dominant wants them to be. It may never erase the ability of the word slut to be used in an act of emotional sadism, but it will alleviate some of the guilt and shame that may have been carried within for years.
Traditionally, this isn’t the way we think about healing. I usually picture a healed situation as someone knowing they aren’t a slut, not simply being comfortable with being a slut, but I may have to revise my beliefs a bit.
When you look at it through other examples, it can sometimes look more like healing within the options that are reasonably available. If a guy has a 1″ penis (when hard), it would be dishonest for him to think it isn’t small, so the “healing” route is to own it and feel okay with having a 1″ penis.
I believe the aftercare portion is a large reason for a disproportionately large number of male emotional masochists out there. Women are more apt to be able to find partners to explore this with and also to be able to demand and receive aftercare that goes along with it. By contrast, the experience for men is often more solitary. Most will never have experience with a Domme, let alone one that will provide them with continual and consistent aftercare. Also, even if they do find one, there are the behavioral patterns that occurred up until that point. If a male sub has fantasized about being humiliated or degraded for a particular reason say, 500+ times before they ever encounter a Domme, there is probably a deeply ingrained shame/guilt base that accompanies it: feeling fucked up about it, wanting to feel “normal,” etc.
If you think about it, these experiences involve emotional masochism without aftercare and a potentially negative/destructive aftermath. I have to believe that repeated experiences like these make “getting over it” nearly impossible, leaving “owning it” the only choice with a positive outcome.
I’m realizing now I should probably rethink when and how I steer people away from delving into emotional masochism/sadism activities. I’m guessing there will be more posts on this topic in the future