The BDSM teaching group I am a part of gave out an assignment a week ago or so. The assignment was to make a list of what you need from your partner in D/s. If you were a sub, what do you need from a dominant? If you were a dominant, what do you need from a sub? This is a regular and ongoing assignment there. They want you to complete it every so often and see how things change for you over time.
It’s interesting to me because I first received this assignment in 2003. It was one of the first things that K ever asked me to write about. It happened in the first week that we were together. She wanted me to think about things and learn about my submission and not just get swept away in the excitement of the moment.
The group leader was interested in my response because I am new there. I made my response into an image since it’s a lot easier than retyping it:
My response was a bit of a disappointment because it was so short. Over the years I have constantly refined this list and eventually… stripped it down to the bare minimum. This list 10 years ago was about 5 times longer, but I have existed in life without these things and I do not thrive. This is what I need.
I was asked later individually to come up with a list of “wants.” I’m not sure why I struggle so hard with this idea. A lot of it stems from the fact that I try not to want things that do not provide a rational or tangible benefit to her. A lot of it stems from the fact that I worry how my desires will be perceived and if they will make me look like a fantasy wanker and not someone with years of experience to fuel realistic expectations. I have tried to train myself to not want. I can’t tell if that makes me true to myself or not. My ideal submission has very few wants. Deep down I know that I have many.
In the end, I find myself more drawn to chasing who I want to be rather than who I currently am.
Femdom Ramblings from a submissive male 
It is okay to have wants and desires. We all do.
And, besides, if you never say what you want/desire how will she be able to have fun using them against you or making them come true??
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Thank you, Ms D. It is easier when I can express them one to one as part of the “getting to know you” process. I find it very difficult announcing it to the world for public consumption. Thankfully I can do that covertly with erotica. Take care.
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I wanted to comment about necessity of ‘wants’ but Ms. Dixie did it brilliantly in just 3 sentences. ( 100% agree with your stand, Mr. Dixie)
Site note: I thought you teach/lead aforemetioned group, not just participate as a student. You don’t need any assigments to do in this matter. Once you graduated the Harvard you don’t need to look back into your secondary school textbooks. Enough theory, my friend. Time to move on to the practice, he, he.
(Take it lightly, please. I also have a penchant to tell someone what to do but only ‘bona fide’.)
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Thank you, Peter. The group has topics and opinions are shared openly. I tend to be a contributor on that end, but I do not organize the topics or steer the discussion. One thing it does teach me is that I see D/s differently than a whole lot of people.
Take care.
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Oh, Ms. Dixie! I do apologize for unfortunate “r” in Your title. It meant to be “Ms”, of course. This was just a ‘stupid’ typo which occurs sometimes when one write in a rush. I shall pop in tomorrow morning with a good coffee and a flowers if you’d kindly let me in.
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