581. Expressing Desires through Fiction

Originally posted on Fetlife. My apologies if this seems unfocused or a bit jumbled. I still haven't been sleeping well and my brain is turning to mush. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection and having a lot of conversations about people’s struggles in kink. I find that the …

580. Emotional Masochism: Despair

Originally posted on Fetlife. Despair is one of my kinks that resides within the darkness. I find that it isn’t talked about much. I don’t know many dominants that are drawn to pushing a sub to despair, at least I never hear it talked about. I’m not sure why. Is it because no one thinks …

577. Submissive Mental Spaces and Emotional Masochism

Originally posted on Fetlife. I haven’t written much on submissive mental spaces here on Fetlife, but since they are one of the foundational concepts from which I think about these topics, I figure it is probably important for me to write about them. I want to make it absolutely clear that I am not talking …

572. Hostile vs. Neutral vs. Welcoming Profiles

Originally composed for Fetlife. Author's Note: This post was written with the assumption that people do want to receive friendly and respectful messages from people and may not be applicable to everyone. I recently talked with a friend that was thinking about redoing their Fetlife profile. Their old profile began with a giant over-sized bold …

571. Emotional Masochism/Sadism: Humiliation vs. Degradation

Originally composed for Fetlife. I received a question about this in reference to a writing I posted a few days ago and it came up again in a couple of in-person conversations. I know that quite a few people use degradation and humiliation as synonyms when it comes to emotional masochism and sadism. Oddly enough, …

568. Insecurity

I should probably just go to bed right now, but I’m feeling raw and exposed in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m aware that I am insecure. It's a consistent characteristic rooted in how I feel about myself. I’m afraid that I’m not someone that people would want to know …

567. Gender Identity, Tolerance, and Generational Fears

Originally posted by me on Fetlife. I was away from the community for a long time. In that time I was gone, I somehow missed a load of social progress that I became suddenly aware of upon my return. It made me feel something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time: I felt …

566. Complications of Shame

I composed this for Fetlife, so some of the parts might not match up with things I have blogged about. I remembered today that I had pretty much blanked out my profile a few weeks ago. That was a strange realization after having some new people follow me. I had become “one of those subs …

565. “Sub-Sexual” and the pain of its loss

A couple of years ago I heard the term “sub-sexual” at a munch and it was one of those moments where 30 years of confusion in my life became abundantly clear with the discovery of a single word. I find it funny when simply having a vocabulary to properly understand ourselves can provide such comfort. …

564. Accepting Emotional Masochists

I’ve had a number of conversations recently on this topic and I think that others might find it helpful. I am an emotional masochist. I have known many emotional masochists over the years. While I don’t want this to try to speak for every emotional masochist, I know that I can represent the feelings of …