552. Failing to Balance the Two Spaces Part 2

I lost my train of thought while writing Post 551 and never managed to circle back in the way that I had hoped. Over the years I have become well aware of the tug of war between my mental spaces that encompass my service submission and my emotional masochism.  There is no real balance.  Neglect …

551. Failing to Balance the Two Spaces

Something that I have been struggling with lately is the battle between my two submissive mental spaces. There is my service-side. There is my emotional masochist side. Each of these spaces has a distinctly different feel to them and an entirely separate set of preferences, ideals, and philosophies that govern them. My service side wants …

548. A Type of Sub-Frenzy

I was able to deduce this morning that the struggles I have been having that I wrote about in 546 and 547 are actually being magnified by sub-frenzy.  While I'm sure that depression is playing some part, the real issue at hand is is that I have been so stressed out that I have not …

547. Thoughts on expressing what I am

In the past month or two I have made some new friends within the community that are 10-15 years older than me and been active in kink nearly as long or longer than I have.  They have gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable.  They want me to feel safe being my …

537. Thoughts on Shame as a Fetish

I'm back from a bit of a break.  I had some health concerns pop up that were causing an immense amount of stress but are starting to get resolved. Over the past few weeks it has become apparent that I really have made a lot of friends in the kink community here (and I also …

536. What I am (2019)

Some comments on a couple of recent posts made me realize that it has been a while that I have really talked much at all about my submission and the dynamics that I desire.  There are definitely reasons that I hide parts of myself both while blogging and in my local BDSM community.  I don't …

530. “A Positive Submissive Response”

Over the past few months I have had quite a few discussions while trying to explain how the mechanics of D/s tend to work in various environments, especially in regards to subs. What I have found is that as a whole, there is very little common understanding of what subs "get out of it" if …

528. Thoughts on Submissive Male Shame and Emotional Masochism

Some days I wonder why I keep on blogging.  It's not that I have a reason to stop, it's that I find it harder to have a reason to continue.  In any case... A week ago I took part in a Femdom discussion munch that chose my topic of emotional sadism and masochism.   I had …

523. Thoughts on Feeling Submissive vs. Being Dominated

So I've been writing and scrapping versions of this post for roughly three months now.  I've had a number of conversations about this topic over the past couple of months as well, but I have never been happy enough with the end result to publish it and they ended up on the trash heap.  Here …

520. Thoughts on Service and Servitude

For the duration of my blogging "career," I have encouraged subs to try to become more service-oriented.  To me, service-oriented submission is to find fulfillment in their submission in the ways that benefit a Domme and provide enhancements to her life and lifestyle. When I first got started as a sub, I was more of …