596. Coming to terms with my current self

The past few weeks I have been wading through the mess that is my mental health, analyzing how my overlapping mental illnesses feed one another or force particular cycles. I have always known I am fucked up, but I don't think I knew how badly. I was first diagnosed with depression at 13, although I …

594. Thoughts on the Current Trends in Gentle Femdom (and Sadism)

I will start out by saying that I have no problems at all with gentle Femdom or gentle dominance. I think gentle dominance is a perfectly good thing for people to want to partake in and enjoy. I do think it is better suited for subs that submit and do what they want to do …

591. Thoughts on Enforced Chastity (2023)

As my submissive and emotional masochism narratives have continued to evolve, my thoughts on chastity have as well. I can remember the early days of my journey, the idea of being locked in chastity was mind-blowing. I could envision release and subsequent pleasure being used as the carrot to encourage obedience and good behavior. I …

590. The “Narrative” of submissive mental space and emotional masochism

While I haven't been posting lately, I have continued educating, mentoring, and helping others within my local community on a number of BDSM topics and continued advancing my understanding and theories relating to various topics. For those who are familiar with my guides and terminology, I've begun using the term "narrative" to describe the system …

586. Submission, Submissive Mental Space, and Dissociation

As I have progressed down this journey of working on my mental health, I've had a few things open up in new ways to view them. I have come to strongly believe that submissive mental space is a form of dissociation. That is, the shift in personality, thought process, morality, priority structure, and behavior that …

585. Thoughts on Femdom and Political Correctness

I'm a bit rusty on gathering my thoughts well enough to write them out, but I'm going to give it a shot and hopefully hit publish without deleting this first. The more time I spend immersed in the in-person local community, the more that I have become aware that there are social shifts happening, evolving …

552. Failing to Balance the Two Spaces Part 2

I lost my train of thought while writing Post 551 and never managed to circle back in the way that I had hoped. Over the years I have become well aware of the tug of war between my mental spaces that encompass my service submission and my emotional masochism.  There is no real balance.  Neglect …

551. Failing to Balance the Two Spaces

Something that I have been struggling with lately is the battle between my two submissive mental spaces. There is my service-side. There is my emotional masochist side. Each of these spaces has a distinctly different feel to them and an entirely separate set of preferences, ideals, and philosophies that govern them. My service side wants …

548. A Type of Sub-Frenzy

I was able to deduce this morning that the struggles I have been having that I wrote about in 546 and 547 are actually being magnified by sub-frenzy.  While I'm sure that depression is playing some part, the real issue at hand is is that I have been so stressed out that I have not …

547. Thoughts on expressing what I am

In the past month or two I have made some new friends within the community that are 10-15 years older than me and been active in kink nearly as long or longer than I have.  They have gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable.  They want me to feel safe being my …