233. An Intro to F/m – Part 3

Blah blah, follow up to Part 1 and Part 2, stuff, disclaimers, reasons.

This is the last of these I intend to write unless people have ideas for additional topics.  The intent isn’t to bring up every possible F/m scenario, but more to illustrate some of the common concepts of the lifestyle.

This last section banks heavily upon a concept that I have written about in the past and called, Progressive Escalation.  Progressive escalation is the idea that as time passes, that the intensity of D/s dynamics will increase.  Dominants will become more dominant.  Submissives will become more submissive.  What once felt like a rush becomes boring and so you push the envelope into new territory to bring back the same level of excitement.  Most of the time when you encounter a couple that practices dynamics that have you thinking, “OMG HOW COULD THEY DO THIS??? IT’S SO MEAN!”, they have been together for quite a while.  Often it takes several years for them to hit their first plateau, but the dulling of activities and desire to take things deeper gets more and more common the farther you go.

With that in mind, it’s tough to judge a couple who have been practicing D/s for 15 years through the lens of a newbie because it is impossible to see the trust, love, and connection that has developed over years.  It is impossible to know how things grew to that point without seeing the full story.  Isolated events don’t show the progression from point A to B to C to now and so on.

Don’t get me wrong, you will find accounts of things getting VERY intense.  They aren’t for the faint of heart.  They aren’t for the newbies.  What you always have to remember is that most of these dynamics are happily consensual.

You will find male subs that haven’t had an orgasm in 5 years.  If you were to ask him, he will probably tell you that he is happy, madly in love, and loves what orgasm denial does for his submission.

You will find male subs that are forced to wear women’s clothing around the house, do all of the cooking, cleaning, and chores.  They are often kept chaste and occasionally the Domme will take on another male bull who has a bigger penis and greater sexual endurance and force her sub to suck his semen from her.  The sub may be punished for even the slightest infraction.  If you were to ask him, he will probably tell you that he is happy, madly in love, and loves what this does for the relationship and his submission.

I was going to write more examples, but honestly, I think the second one encompassed like half the stuff that freaks people out at once.

Most F/m relationships still retain a level of respect.  They almost certainly maintain an intense shared love.  Both parties are often supremely happy.  There may be dynamics that make a lot of people cringe.  Humiliation and degradation don’t appeal to all.  Some may get there over time.  Others never will.

Time changes everything.  That weekly maintenance spanking may seem so huge at the start.  After a year, it probably doesn’t feel quite the same.  A lot of people also haven’t seen what a dominant, fully confident and with their sadism unleashed, is capable of evolving to over time.  That growth wouldn’t have been possible without the love, support, and submission of a loving sub.

Dommes don’t add more rules and crank up the dominance because they hate their sub.  Dommes add more rules and crank up the dominance because they love their sub and their sub loves it too.   Sometimes, it’s just not very easy to see how it got to there.

• Femdom