234. “Going Deep”

“Going Deep” is a phrase I have used quite a bit lately in discussions.  It’s a bit of a reference to the idea of submissive mental space as a swimming pool, but I think I used the term before I had come up with a metaphor… because it described what I felt.  It seems that when I use this phrase that people either have no idea what I’m talking about or they nod and get it completely.

This is not to say that “going deep” makes someone superior/inferior, as it is actually describes a characteristic that some people have that allow them to lose themselves, let go, and be swallowed up by D/s.  It requires a lot of trust and an environment conducive to getting there, but it is a state where rational thoughts and fears get replaced by the overwhelming emotions and momentary feelings that occur during deep submissive mental space.

While the emotions feel incredibly vulnerable and overwhelming, there is also a calmness to them… an acceptance that doesn’t really surface at other times.  I have often described the mindset as reaching total surrender.  It overrides fight or flight.  It overrides logic and sense.  It is just sort of a state of being.

You don’t resist your station.  You embrace it and accept your place.  It feels very soothing to know exactly where you belong.  It feels very safe to know exactly what is expected of you.  While you might not like everything that is presented to you, it is not your place to defy.  You roll with it… you adapt… you become pliable, flexible, and fluid.  You exist to serve a function… even if that function breaks you.  You feel good when you have performed what was necessary of you.  You feel bad when you fail to do so.  Morality in this setting revolves around the will of the dominant.  Right = what the dominant wants, finds pleasing, etc.   Wrong = what the dominant doesn’t want, finds displeasing, etc.

It can be hard for people who have not experienced this to understand.  It can be hard for them to witness or read about intense dynamics that require this state.  They want to ask the sub, “why would you put up with that?”  “How could you let them do that?” “How do you handle that?”

The answers to these questions for a sub in that mental space is that, those questions don’t even cross their mind.  They exist to endure.  They exist to serve a function.  They exist to be pleasing.  There is no “self” left that has an opinion that holds any real value.  There is no “self” left with enough will to state any form of defiance.  It’s not that they cannot say, “no,” it is that the mind doesn’t even perceive “no” as an option.

It is actually more common for people to experience glimpses of this or brief periods of this mental space before ever being able to immerse within it.  It is actually quite scary for both parties.  The sub may fear losing themselves that deeply and what that could lead to.  The dominant may be worried if they pushed the sub there unintentionally.

For years I had wondered what is the separating factor between subs that can reach this state and those that cannot.  I have been able to meet a handful of subs that are able to go this deep and experience a total loss of self and all of them (us) seem to have something in common and it leads me to believe that this is a learned behavior.  We have all been at some point pushed to an incredible level of emotional stress where we were truly helpless in regards to the outcome.  In these cases, our psyches were pushed so far that they “broke” and found it easier to surrender and accept what was happening than to resist and deal with reality.

This becomes a bit of a coping mechanism that can manifest itself in D/s.  When pushed hard enough, we slip into surrender and acceptance.

I know a lot of people who have stated that they do not wish to reach this point.  They always want to maintain their sense of self.  This is wise.  The subs that lose self generally were that way before engaging in consensual D/s.  Those who have not been “broken” are better off remaining intact.

If you read a lot of this and found yourself nodding along, recalling the feelings that you have experienced it, this is also the mental state known as slavespace.

• Femdom