374. Submission as a Privilege

In the past week I have had four conversations with different people that seem to all sort of link back to a common theme.  While they were on various topics, the core of the discussion centered around the belief in “submission as a gift” and how that idea fails in a lot of situations.  I will likely rehash some things I have written in the past month but I promise there will be at least 20% new content 😛

The “submission as a gift” idea only really applies to M/f and it is a part of a set of dogmatic etiquette that serves to empower subs and keep them from being abused.  You can give it, you can take it away, and it should be appreciated.

There are two interesting contrasts to this idea:

• In > 95% of cases, male subs cannot use this idea because they have no leverage.
• Holding onto the idea that submission is a gift puts limits upon submissive growth potential.

There is a solution to this.  It is one that many male subs will have to adopt.  It is also one that people tend to adopt if they wish to push deeper in their submission.  This idea is submission is a privilege.

Submission is a privilege is how the power balance shifts completely to the dominant.  It removes entitlement from the sub.  With this idea, the sub does not feel entitled to submit, they should feel grateful, lucky, and privileged to submit.  This idea makes submission special.  It is something that has to be earned.  It takes work, dedication, and constant effort.

This, in turn, breeds pride in submission.  Your submission isn’t just there.  It is a honed skill.  It is something you took the time to develop and master.  It becomes something you are proud of.

The idea that submission is a privilege also breeds… deeper submission.  A dominant can revoke your privilege if you do not respect it.  This is the worst thing that can happen.  This makes the focus upon earning your privilege a constant and ongoing task.  If you relax, you may lose it.  The little bit of fear and anxiety that underlies this idea goes a long ways towards pushing a sub to be better, more devoted, and to submit deeper.  It helps evolve your form of submission and it is never static.

If you spend enough time under the idea that submission is a privilege, it begins to change your outlook.  This isn’t an overnight thing.  It is a gradual process that evolves as you evolve… or in some cases, the change in outlook forces the evolution of your submission. If you reach a point that is deep enough, another idea surfaces:  submission is its own reward.

Submission as its own reward can a rather intense impact upon the psyche.  Concepts like positive reinforcement fall by the wayside.  Submission becomes its own carrot.  The fact that you are allowed to submit is the goal of your submission itself.  This creates its own sense of fulfillment.  Even more powerful is the fact that it stops you from thinking that you deserve more.  Rewards start to seem silly and unnecessary.  Why should you require more than the privilege of submission itself?  Wanting more starts to feel selfish and thus, it pushes you to a state of contentment and fulfillment in what you have.  While the dominant may choose to give you rewards, it is their choice and not something you have any control or power over.

This state is what I think of as the submissive end game.  It is the state where you can merely exist within your submission and be fulfilled by it.  This is the state where it becomes difficult to say no.  This is the state where you can accept the most intense dynamics and decisions.

This is not a state that is meant for everyone.  Most will never reach it.  Many do not want to reach it.  The interesting thing about it is that the idea of submission as a gift prevents this state from being reached.

• Femdom